Blah Blah Black Ship

2008-12-15T11:42:00.002+08:00

Due to technical issues, the layout, music, tagboard and links,which are basically all of the add-ons in this blog, have been totally erased.

This will be the last entry for this blog. Not much of a last post, seeing that that total post counts isn't near even the 100th post.. Anyways, faithful readers don't have to visit this link anymore.

Cheers.

2008-08-31T02:33:00.002+08:00

This was supposed to be a good, long entry, covering stuffs like the recent fireworks festival, what happened outside today, upcoming camp, scc chalet. At the very last minute however, everything changed in just a split second. Just. Like. That.

your words, they cut me deep. fresh wounds upon these old scars of mine.

リオ

2008-08-12T23:34:00.004+08:00

forget it, seriously. i should just forget it.

i'm under the impression that i`m wasting my time.

everytime i pin my hopes up, you tear them down as though they mean nothing.

as though i mean nothing.

..unless you can prove me wrong, and set things right again.

***
Songs 4 U

我以為
李聖傑

痛是什么感觉是像大海却不言
心被你一片一片撕响爱不肯睡了

* 是谁让你转变不再留恋我的体贴
你用背叛告别从前我只想对你更好不埋怨

我以为爱是痛苦的滋味让我宽容地疲惫
幸福会给我抚慰心疼你的泪水
原谅你的不对只求交心不渴求完美

我以为爱是痛苦的滋味
你会让我不后悔这样把你宝贝
但你却教会我了爱你可悲
爱不在了做什么都枉费

*repeat

- very bad day ))=

リオ

2008-08-11T23:43:00.000+08:00

have you ever felt like you were used like some sort of a tool? like, you were always there for somebody, no matter what? Be it good times or bad.. except, except that you weren`t really there during the good times. you just get forgotten, quite conveniently, thrown away like an unwanted toy into some forsaken corner. treated like you have an expiry date, and once you were past your shelf life, you`re simply just not needed anymore.

and the only time somebody looks for you, is when bad days have fallen upon that person again. when that person needs to share the woes, get some advice, seek some help. so you give in, and thats what you do. you listen to the problems, gives some comments, and offer to help in whatever way you can. once the problem was solved, everything seemed to be okay again, except that it`s not. you still found yourself out of the 'happiness' picture.

And the vicious cycle just continue. By the way, that's not hope you`re holding on too, it`s naiveness.

bah. random chattering. do ignore.

- very bad day ))=

リオ

2008-08-10T23:06:00.022+08:00

Sunday, end of the week once again. Study week begins in less then an hour, followed by the exam period. I have only 2 papers. I thought i wouldn`t do fantastically well for ETE, but looks like i`m going to have trouble with EM3B as well, judging from my recent CCT results, which was like a hugh surprise for me. Just a week left, tell me what to do. Failure is approaching my doorstep once again.

National Day yesterday. Though i`m not one to be a patriotic citizen of this nation, i wish Singapore a happy 43rd birthday anyway. Some people have problems remembering how old you are, not for me though. I just add 24 to my age, and viola, that's Temasek's years for you. Since there`s 24 hours in a day and all.. so, yeah. The last time i was in the presence of the National Day Parade, i believe it was back when i was still in primary school. Somehow or another, the school managed to get a bunch of tickets, so quite a number of primary school kids got to go, including me of course. I almost got to go a second time about 3 or 4 years ago. Was out and everything with my friends already, but at the last minute, it turned out there wasn`t enough tickets to go around, 1 short to be precise. Knowing that my bestie hh don`t have much opportunity to attend this kind of events, i offered him my space. Of course he rejected at first, as expected from him, so i had to lie that i had an errand to do anyway. White lie okay? It`s for a good cause though. His character is like, too damn stubborn for his own good. Yeaps.. and i think fireworks are like awesome! Haha, that was probably like, so random. The effect of bright lights bursting in the vast and dark skies, and the 'random' exploding patterns, simply breathtaking i tell you.

Okay, another random thought. In the midst of all these jubliant celebrations, we tend to forget which month of the Lunar calendar is upon us. Haha. I wonder if it`s like, pre-arranged from way back when, so that the spirits of the underworld can enjoy National Day amongst the living as well.. and scare us sh*t-less in the process. Haha! Regardless of race, language, living entities or otherwise ehh?

Nothing exciting today i suppose. Woke up like late, late. Somewhere close to 3 p.m. i suppose. Received a message from elizabeth asking if i could study with her. It was like, so last minute. Met her at Plaza Singapura`s Starbucks, but she didn`t really do much work. Mostly flipping through her book and looking around. Haha. Somehow managed to get her to so some, albeit not much, work. She left after only an hour since we met; her mother came to pick her up and all. Looking at her mentality of studying, i really can`t help but compare with my O`levels period. True, she was still only doing her N`levels, but it is just as important as the O`levels.

I remember how our cohort that year mugged for our papers. Even though there was still gaming, outings and stuffs in the middle, when we got down to studying, it was all serious. Not sure `bout the rest, but i even stayed through two different nights at AMK`s McDonald`s just to study, then taking the first bus from there to school for that same paper. I can`t say i`m too happy with my results , looking at them now. Okay, i`m contended with those that i did pass, fair enough. Like A1 for E.Maths and B3 for English Language (Where forth are thou, A2?). I`m just upset that i didn`t have a full O`levels certificate. Just 4 passes. Sighs. I`m not killing myself with regrets though. All in the past, water under the bridge. But for you guys still taking secondary education, better make sure you break your necks and work your butts off till you graduate. Won`t be easy, but secondary school wasn`t meant to be a breeze. You can slack all you want once you reach tertiary education.

Wondered around Plaza Singapura after elizabeth left. No prize for guessing where i went first. I think, i`m really starting to suck at the Drummania machine. Looks like i got over my peak, and way past my prime. Such a waste, and i haven`t gotten to the 'attracted crowd in awe' standard. Pity pity.. Saw rachelle at Plaza Singapura too. She sure has grown much since the last i saw her back at bartley back.. three years ago? Still have the looks though. She saw me and smiled a little, then walked away with her two friends accompanying her. Oh well, just another acquaintance, as expected. McDonald`s for dinner, and only because i want to complete the Olympic Cups set. I already have four of the five, and it would be a darn shame if i failed to make a claim for the final piece.

Tadaa ~!! It only took me five McSpicy Meals, upsized, change the drink to iced milo, no mayonaise and fries without salt. Two curry sauce pl0x. Thankiew~ =3

***
Songs 4 U

Still in the oldies mood. For today, it is the very first song ever that i heard when i was a young boy. First song of my life, first song that i loved.

It

is a ballad written by Gary Baker and Frank J. Myers that became a hit for two acts in 1994. Initially it was a number one song on the U.S. Hot Country Singles & Tracks chart for John Michael Montgomery at the beginning of the year. His version crossed over to pop radio and climbed to #42 on the Billboard Hot 100. A few months later, All-4-One covered the song and achieved a great success in many countries, including Sweden where it was a number-one hit.

- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Swear

And that song is none other then, the one and only, [Insert drumroll], I Swear!

I Swear
John Michael Montgomery

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
You can be sure I know my part
'Cause I`ll stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart

CHORUS:
And I swear
By the moon and the stars in the skies
I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there
For better or worse, 'till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

I'll give you every thing I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the walls
And when there`s silver in your hair
You won't have to ask if I still care
'Cause as the time turns the page, my love won't age at all

Chorus x 2

o0O-O0o

The video featuring the original artist for the track. The person who did the subtitles made it look like some hong kong movie. Haha. The cover by the boyband "All-4-One" has a different arrangement. For one, they started off with the chorus as an intro. Also, a line from the verse after the chorus was changed. The part, "And when there`s silver in your hair" was edited to, "And when just the two of us are there", if you actually noticed, which i think not would be the case for many.

Another listen-and-cry song. Touching lyrics indeed. Personal favourite part would be, "For better or worse, till death do us part. I`ll love you with every beat of my heart".

::~~::

***
Video Selection of the Week:

Names that you should know:

George Bush is the male lead as the President of the United States.
Condoleeze Rice is the woman giving the report.
Hu Jintao is the referenced guy in China.
Yassir Arafat is some guy in the Middle East.
Kofi Annan is the referenced U.N. person.

Enjoy.

::~~::

- neutral day =

リオ

2008-08-07T07:07:00.000+08:00

And so, another sleepless night no thanks to finishing up of PFA Project 2. Not that it`s exactly finished.. i just puttied and rendered my model mouse, all 3 of them. 1 for trial and 2 to choose from for final presentation. Speaking of presentation, i`m freaking worried about it. I haven`t been really performing for PFA much at all, and i predict that my presentation will suck `cos i basically have no idea how a good presentation should be like. Mine will probably be just another sub-standard quality amongst the sea of hopefuls, if i am so lucky.

Going to bath, iron clothes, then off to school soon to see what i can do for my presentation. PFA is very shaky for me now, `cos i really can`t tell if i will pass or fail this time. I cannot afford to fail again. 5 years is too much too handle, and i don`t mean that literally.

sighs.

リオ

2008-08-06T23:40:00.009+08:00

Yeah okay i know, i haven`t been regular with blogging, again. Haven`t had a right frame of mind to do so in awhile. Things.. happened, i guess. Ah well, all in the past. i did think for awhile that i was over it, but last Thursday when a certain event was revealed to me, i didn`t expect myself to almost cry. It really did caught me off guard, and it just goes to show i wasn`t as ready as i thought i was. More time, perhaps. Perhaps..

Met up with huijia at SIM last Monday. Felt a little bad as i haven`t been seeing her in awhile, so decided to fetch her home from school. Had a good talk on the way back, mostly about her stuffs, and a certain guy. Don't know why, but i suddenly just felt so protective for her. True, she`s a big girl now and she can take care of herself, but still.. oh i don`t know. *shrugs* Walked back home after sending her back to her house. It wasn`t that far.. okay maybe it was quite a distance, but still walk-able. Good exercise.

SCC`s activity was, a potluck event of sorts, including a karaoke session of course. It was the last one before the upcoming study week, then the dreaded exams. Typical me isn`t really fond of singing (for a good reason..), and a KTV atmosphere is not really my ideal place to relax in, so spent most of the evening out by myself. People who spotted me would give the "Eh, why you alone emo here?" comments. Okay, just to set it straight, i wasn`t 'emo'-ing. If i really was, no one would be able to find me. Think, 31st December 2007 countdown session back then. Case closed.

Oh, something random. Was having CADD2 class this afternoon, when i suddenly thought of the song, 'Tell Laura I Love Her' for no apparent reason. None at all. I just had the suddenly urge to listen to the song. I could only vaguely remember the chorus, but not the rest of the lyrics. So i did a little search, and when i found it, i swear i could have tear`ed a little if i wasn`t in the middle of the class. The lyrics were simple enough, but it`s like, SO DAMN SADDENING !

Okay, sorry about that, but it`s true. Many songs back then had the simplest of lyrics, but the stories they tell is just.. so rivoting. And the emotions they invoke in the souls of the listeners, it`s just unbelieveable.

Tell Laura I Love Her
Ray Peterson

Laura and Tommy were lovers
He wanted to give her everything
Flowers, presents
But most of all, a wedding ring

He saw a sign for a stock car race
A thousand dollar prize it read
He couldn't get Laura on the phone
So to her mother, Tommy said

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
I've something to do, that cannot wait

He drove his car to the racing grounds
He was the youngest driver there
The crowed roared as they started the race
Around the track they drove at a deadly pace

No one knows what happened that day
Or how his car overturned in flames
But as they pulled him from the twisted wreck
With his dying breath, they heard him say

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die

Now in the chapel where Laura prays
For her poor Tommy, who passed away
It was just for Laura he lived and died
Alone in the chapel she can hear him cry

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die

***

Pause my playlist on the right, and take a little of your time to listen to this. A 60`s oldie it might be, but it is well worth it.

- bad day )=

リオ

2008-07-09T09:44:00.002+08:00

Doors opening, doors closing. I just can't be bothered to choose anymore. Or perhaps, i'm just too tired to think about the consequences. A,B.. or C?

Then again, who says i have to pick one. Sometimes, the best choices in life is simply not choosing at all.

Goodbye Doors A,B and C. I'm heading for the fire exit.

リオ

2008-07-07T12:05:00.003+08:00

Holed up in the library right now. Supposed to be shading and rendering my drawings, yet i wasted my time (as usual,) surfing the net and such. Have to finish the renderings today, so i can seek Richard's approval on my design, so i can use Gregory's illustrator to do my poster tomorrow, so i can finish up (or rather, start to do..) my two reports which are due, so i can present on thursday, so i can submit the whole damn-project-which-has-taken-so-much-out-of-my-personal-time by the end of this week. Yeap, no pressure. If i fail this, it's just another year in ngee ann.. again.. no biggie.

Right, i really should get started already. Really.

And it's so disgustingly cold right now. Should have brought a jacket-or-something.

リオ

2008-07-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

Grouchy today. If things don't go well, it just pisses me off. Totally.
Just for today anyway.

Enjoy the flash.

Happy Birthday To Me
Bulldog Mansion

リオ

2008-06-23T23:47:00.002+08:00

Somehow, it didn't hurt as bad as i thought it would, though it still did nevertheless. Perhaps i was already prepared for it? Or maybe it's just that i have grown accustomed to it.. it doesn't matter. Nothing's changed though, i still do blame myself for all that has unfolded.

The lone walk home tonight never felt so.. especially empty. I ought to be glad she's not going home alone as i am, at the very least.

Right now, i just feel tired. Really, really tired.
Just take me away, away from it all.

リオ

2008-06-17T18:27:00.002+08:00

Just look at yourself, wallowing in self-pity. You're pathetic, you know that? Wasting away the time, day after day after day. Can you for once just get something done well? Look at your siblings already. Your sister is well on her way in being a secondary school teacher, your brother serving National Service and taking over the family business once he was done.

And just what have YOU accomplished? What plans have you made for yourself? Will you be doing anything remotely resembling some form of work in future besides sponging off of your parents?

Look at your qualifications. Just a measly PSLE certificate. Not even attaining a full O' Levels. What are you, stupid? Assuming you do pass your second year this time round (and that's a VERY big assumption), can you make it pass your third?

What now, girl troubles? Oh boo hoo, cry me a river, why don't you? Please, she already told you not to wait for her, can it be anymore direct? Stop being so damn stubborn and MOVE ON. You know why you can't? `Cause you're weak, you're soft, being oh-so-sentimental and refusing to let go of what you once had. How many more nights will you be soaking your pillows with those silly tears of yours? You should have stayed inside your shell all the while. I tried to warn you, multiple times in fact. I told you so when you talked to her for the first time. I told you so when you thought she was someone special, and different somewhat. I told you so when you started longing for her presence when she wasn't around. Those, and more. No surprise, you wouldn't listen to me. Thought i wrong, didn't you? Guess what? i WAS right. Now isn't that a nice, cold slap to your face? Scurry along back to your shell, i'll rememeber to post you a memo telling you to stay inside for good.

Basically, you're just nothing, aren't you? You have no purpose, no goal. Nothing to keep you going. No one to bother about you. Yes, i'm glad you've come to the realisation that your life, as you would call it, 'sucks'. If you don't like your life, if you hate yourself that much, just end it all already. Remember, all of this is your fault, and yours alone, so just stop blaming the world for whatever that has happened. Then again, death would just be an easy way out for you, won't it? If that is the case, you should carry on living and breathing. Not because you should, but because i want you to be reminded of your meaningless existence. You'll never be a filial son, a loyal friend, a loving partner, a hardworking employee, an accomplished drummer, nor a worthy human being.

You truly epitomise the phrase of 'being nothing'. And don't go around playing with my words. You're not fit to be perfect.

リオ

2008-05-29T13:49:00.002+08:00

guess what.

i just found my bunch of house keys in the pocket of another shorts.

and i had already made a copy of the house keys.

this is so ridiculous.

i feel like i'm being played around with. -.-

リオ

2008-05-29T10:37:00.003+08:00

I Thought You Could Help

A farmer came to see the Buddha. He went on telling the Buddha his problems with the farming, with his wife and with his kids, laying out all his difficulties and worries.

The Buddha patiently listened to the man. Finally he wound down and waited for the Buddha to say the words that would put everything right for him. Instead, the Buddha said, "I can't help you."

"What do you mean?" said the astonished man.

"Everybody's got problems," said the Buddha. "In fact we've all got eighty-three problems and there's nothing you can do about it. If you work really hard on one of them, maybe you can fix it -- but if you do, another one will pop right into its place. For example, you're going to lose your loved ones eventually. And you are going to die some day. Now there's a problem, and there's nothing you, or I, or anyone else can do about it."

The man became furious. "I thought you were a great teacher!" he shouted. "I thought you could help me! What good is your teaching then?"

The Buddha said, "Well, maybe it will help you with the eighty-fourth problem."

The man was puzzled, "What's the eighty-fourth problem?"

Said the Buddha, "You want to not have any problems."

We think that we have to deal with our problems in a way that exterminates them, that distorts or denies their reality. But in doing so, we try to make reality into something other than what it is. We try to rearrange and manipulate the world so that dogs will never bite, accidents will never happen, and the people we care about will never die. Even on the surface, the futility of such efforts should be obvious.

Point of posting that?

I managed to retrieve back my ez-link card, but i lost my set of house keys.
My left calf doesn't hurt as bad now, but my right wrist does, and it doesn't look like it's getting any better.

Yeah of course, the story above means much more then that. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, things just don't turn out the way we thought it would. It would appear that everything around us is pre-arranged by 'fate' or 'destiny'. You might want to live 'your way', but it has already been decided that you will be living in 'that way'. It's not fair, but that's life for you. I've gotten used to it.

Yes, random i know.

Been spending a little too much time on games recently to take my mind off.. stuffs. But i've kind of over abused that need to the extent that i haven't been doing enough school work. Common test is just next week too. ETE paper on Tuesday and EM3B on Wednesday. sighs. Product Design & Innovation. It's really not easy. I know i'm a lazy procrastinator, but seriously, trust me. I believe i have at least half a dozen supporters willing to back up that statement. No point changing course since i'm already in so late in the academic ladder. I swear i will never touch another pencil with a drawing block after i graduate from ngee ann.

***

And so, SCC Monthly Performance yesterday. Took photos and videos till the memory stick was crammed. I'm slowly rebuilding back my gallery, though it can never replace the glory it once had. Performance with Gary J. and Amos went well. They thought it was kind of messy, though i couldn't notice.. Uhh, i meant yeah i thought so too. Never mind. After Gary J.'s song was Steve's, and it was with me too. Somehow, last year's mistake of grouping the same performer in a row repeated itself. Okay, maybe it wasn't a mistake, but i feel that there should be at least one or two songs spaces in between any songs which contains the same performer(s). Anyway, back to Steve. Pop-jazz, his song was, or rather, what we had interpreted. I thought i played okay overally.. Mandy told me it was a good attempt for my first try, so yeah. Funny style -.-

Commendations for finishing Monthly Performance at 9.30 p.m. even though there were 23 songs.

KAP dinner as usual after Monthly Performance. For the 2nd time there, i spilt my iced milo again. It got all over my shoe, Qiuyun and Sherlyn's legs, and some specks on Ziqin's bag.

Apologies to Qiuyun, Sherlyn, Ziqin and Mcdonald floor for my incompetency to handle a cup of iced milo.

For the Nth time, i saw everyone moving on, away from me again.

-uoyrofseircymrewsnauoytnow-

リオ

2008-05-25T17:56:00.005+08:00

please do not accuse me of being drunk when i'm not. i don't like it when you use that as an excuse to explain my actions.

Yes, i did touch alcohol ~~again~~, but it was only a bottle.
Yes, my face might have gone all red and warm, but my senses was still with me.

Trust me, when i'm drunk, i'll say it, or just moan incoherently. I wouldn't be standing upright and still be leading the way.

Besides, it wasn't appropriate to be wasted at Angeline's birthday. If i want to waste myself, i'll do it under controlled circumstances, no matter how badly i want it.

***

if somehow, somewhere,

i get to see you again,

there's one thing i want to say.

sorry.

sorry for being a bother.

sorry for all that i've done.

sorry for everything that's happened.

-evoldetiuqernuekilefilfotuoetsatehtsekatgnihton-

***

Video Selection(s) of the Week:

Blurry
Puddle Of Mudd

Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
there's no gone left that's real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i will save you
from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

[Chorus]

Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you when to runaway
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to runaway

[Chorus]

This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

Untitled
Simple Plan

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

你好就好
霍建華

看见你聊到了他而微笑
我心理那点遗憾不见了
你的最后选择是谁
忽然之间就给答案
已似乎不重要

我肩膀永远等着你依靠
但是我更不希望你受困扰
我把时间对折一遍
从前未来唯一重叠
要你很幸福　这心愿不动摇

只要你好就好　你好就好
其他的我不计较
就算我会烦恼　就算我会焦躁　
就算我会被忘掉
你好就好　你好就好/要过得比我好　
我的爱没有句号
像过去那样做到　对你的付出坚持不肯少

リオ

2008-05-23T10:02:00.002+08:00

Can you believe it?

My left leg muscles somehow got tweaked, so i'm almost walking with a limp now.

I lost my ez-link card two days ago, less then two weeks after i bought the concession pass.

The strap on my bag snapped off on one of its ends, so i have to carry it with one hand and my A3 folio with another.

this is just.. incredible. i wonder what next week has in store for me.

whoop-dee-doo.

リオ

2008-05-21T07:29:00.002+08:00

Another sleepless night.. okay okay.. so i stayed up all night just to play video game, but you can't blame me. I haven't touched a single game (barring NintendoDS) for like 3000 years. So, sue me if you want. Upcoming week is going to be tough, and so will the weeks to follow. All in preparation for PFA Project II, which holds like 35% of the whole module marks.So unless i want to take PFA for the 3rd time, i better do something this time.

Work work work.. and ironically, i don't like to draw at all, yet i find myself in a product designing course.

Life never really gives you what you want. You just have to deal with it.

***

excuse me. you think you don't have a place in anyone? welcome to my world. i've been a resident here for around seven years now. i don't want to sound harsh, but you know darn well you have people who are close to you. think of those who are genuine to you before you go around thinking "i have no real friends and no one cares".

please, that's my line. my shoes won't fit your feet.

***

have i been a bother to you?

i don't know, you don't tell me much.

it could just be my fault all along.

it's tiring to think about it.

リオ

2008-05-20T00:45:00.003+08:00

I thought having one problem troubling me is bad enough.

I was wrong.

Out of nowhere, misuderstanding arose and now i have another situation to deal with.

AND as i was still figuring out what to do about Door Number 2, some screw job happened, and i have both parties to compromise.

..

...

how do you shout out loud in a blog? By typing SOL?

If only it was that easy. Too many stuffs happening all at once. And i'm not even going to sleep tonight. Have to finish drawing Project 1, which is already overdue might i add, and start on Assignment 3.

Bad week is probably the understatement of the year.

and they all just keep accumulating within, bit by bit, bit by bit..

-eciffusyrrosalliwyasottahwwonknevetnodi-

リオ

2008-05-18T18:22:00.003+08:00

I was halfway through my thoughts when your presence surprised me.
There are still things to be said, though i'm unsure if they're appropriate.

`tis funny. Wonder if you know how i feel.

-eromynanogniunitnocebtnowienoehttonyllaereruoyfi-

***

Video Selection of the Week

Why Can't I Be You (Why Not Me)
Locksley

Oh, talk talk talk
Oh, shut your mouth.
A little kiss kiss kiss,
come on and help me out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures,
and desperate desires lead to desperate pleasures.
You know?
Oh yeah, you know don't you?
Oh god, you don't?
Oh no, you don't, do you?

Won't you teach teach teach me if you can.
How to beat more guys up by the hand.
Who needs class when you got money?
Well I've got cash, but you've got everything else.
Well you can call me crazy, but I heard that sells.

Oh, why can't I be you?
Oh, how can I be you?
Oh, it's so easy for you to be
just what everyone wants to be.
So, why not me?
Tell me, why not me?
Tell me!

Well look look look who's laughing now?
Well it's me-e-e, but not too loud.
I won't make it on my own for long, dear.
I'm doing anything to just hold on here.
It's true, it's true,
that I could just walk a mile in another man's shoes.

Oh, why can't I be you?
Oh, how can I be you?
Oh, it's so easy for you to be,
just what everyone wants to be.
So, why not me?
Tell me, why not me?

Now listen to me, listen to me,
you're what I should be, what I could be.
So what do you say, what do you say?
I'm willing to pay, begging to pay.
Now what'll it take, what'll it take,
to get me a break, give me a break?
Oh what can you do, what can I do,
to make you like me, make me like you?

Why can't I be you?
Oh, how can I be you?
Oh, it's so easy for you to be,
just what everyone wants to be,
the things never stop haunting me,
you can make it look so easy!
Why not me?
Tell me!
Why not me?
Oh, tell me!
Why, not me?

Catchy and upbeat song, though it's kinda of short. I like what the drummer is wearing. Maybe i'll don a suit for performance one day too?

リオ

2008-05-18T14:05:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, i really wish that some foreign object would just fall from the sky and hit me on my head.

Even if i don't die, there's still the chance of memory loss.

リオ

2008-05-17T20:16:00.002+08:00

Got back my laptop 6 days after i dropped it off at the service center. So many stuffs to whine about, but let's forget it. As long as it's back in one piece, and still operational. Spent the whole of today trying to re-install as many software it once had as possible. As expected, they had cleaned the whole hard disk, and didn't even bother to partition it, so i have only a C drive. Internet browser sometimes runs a little slow, and imeem player doesn't work, like 85% of the time. Fingerprint Navigator still doesn't work. Pffft.

Updated my language bar. Downloaded Internet Explorer 7, Windows Live Messenger, Messenger Plus, Windows Media Player 11 and iTunes, Quicktime Player and Adobe Flash Player/Reader. Didn't managed to find Microsoft Office anywhere to download. My sister said hers is with a friend, and earliest i can get is next Saturday. If i remember correctly, i have 2 presentations and a report to submit by next Friday.

Wonderful.

That's 2 things that won't be the same again..

***

Was at one of my usual toilets in school when i came up with this random thought.

For the case of toilets which are hardly used:

Would they be clean because of the low frequency in users?
Or would they be dirty because the cleaners wouldn't bother to constantly clean them, knowing well that no many people uses those toilets anyway?

And as for the case of overused toilets:

Would they be kept in a clean condition to appease the toilet-goers?
Or would they be dirty just because theres a lot of in out activity?

I feel that every one of those thesis are very much possible. I guess it would depend on the general location of those toilets? Comparing canteen 1's toilet with, let's say, an easily accessable Changi Terminal 1 toilet. Both toilets would definately see the most percentage of toilet users as compared to the other toilets in that same area. But of course, Changi Airport gets alot of tourists coming in everyday, so the toilets there would be like, impressive all the time.. whereas canteen 1's toilet probably gets cleaned only when the crowd thins out.

Just a thought.

Oh by the way, i'm extremely disappointed with the toilets in Singapore Expo. Total letdown.

***

it is true that nothing lasts forever.
everyone wishes things never change when circumstances are in their favor.
there's no point entertaining any hope, 'cause it will just turn out to be false.
the only way through this is to get used to it, then move on.

yeah, that sure was easy to type out.
let's see you actually do it.
call me dumb, foolish and stubborn.
tell me there's no chance, no reason and no second chances.

but the one thing you can't do, is explain why i'm still hanging on.

then again.. neither can i.

リオ

2008-05-15T19:44:00.002+08:00

Jiayi's Apple Macintosh
Model MacBook

Yeepie-ai-yay. It's official. My hard disk crashed. Goodbye to my beloved C, D and E drives. Every accumulations that you've helped me to store is now kapoofed. Every song, pictures, photos, documents, software, games.. it's been a good 2 years. Now you guys are free to roam the mystical fields of Lost Data.

Emotions Checklist:

Upset: Over 2 years of vapourised data.

Regret: Not burning every photo album and videos i had.

Disappointed: Unable to take proper care of laptop

Oh well.. silver lining?

Laptop should run smoothly already now that it's empty...?

***

can lightning strike twice at the same spot? probably. or not?

perhaps. just perhaps.. i shouldn't be so foolhardy.

i don't know. maybe the third time's the charm.

but does it really matter?

i've been questioning myself a couple of times..

..okay, maybe more then 'a couple of times'.

why live a life in misery?

sure, it's a tough road.

but it's already been taken.

so i can't really complain much.

i should have expected this to come.

only thing left to do?

take each day as it comes.. i guess.

but with at least 3 smiles a day.

instead of all the constant frowns everyone's been seeing.

will it be real?

well.. i hope so.

-hcumootsihttnsitubegnahcotsgnihtdetcepxei-

リオ

2008-05-14T12:21:00.004+08:00

46-02-0004
Computer S/N 04-22

***

was it fate which arranged our meeting?

it has been 9 days since i last saw you.

wished that moment could last more than a mere 5 minutes.

-eromynathgirknihttnaci-

リオ

2008-05-11T18:16:00.002+08:00

sighs.

my brother said most likely my laptop hard disk crashed. It's so hard to take in. I'm not upset about the games, assignments or songs i have in my laptop. It's the pictures and videos which i have, mostly those of SCC, that i am most afraid of losing. I know in situations like this, the most common solution is to reformat the whole laptop. C Drive,D Drive, everything.. and there is little chance to recover anything at all.

It is rather saddening for me.. all the photos i have taken and accumulated over the years.. Kaleidosound IV, random outings, CCA Fiestas, Monthly Performances just to name a few. Every single photograph means something to me. It is a piece of memory which i can never go back to, but at least i can relieve the experience everytime i look at the pictures. And now, all those memories which i hold so dear to me, are going to disappear.

When i grow old and turn senile, i can only have myself to blame for not protecting my memories.

***

I realised that the worst emotion i can possibly experience is regret.

too many words left unsaid.
too many things left undone.

be true to your feelings. be open to your heart.

never regret.

-dnimymnostahtllaeruoytubknihtottonyrti-

リオ

2008-05-10T19:54:00.004+08:00

And now my laptop is unable to boot up and all. Some hard disk error i suppose.. have to use my sister laptop for the meantime. I am so envy of how fast her laptop is functioning, and it's a bleeding toshiba as compared to my lenovo !!

Why are these kind of things happening to me.. I'm starting to feel deprived already..

please call or message me people /=

***

i feel so tired. Even today when i've slept at my own pace, i went out for barely 4-5 hours and i'm super tired already. And it's not only today. Has been on-going for quite a while. Obviously something is wrong. Someone diagnose me please. This feeling.. it's just terrible.

Sorry zhiwei for not going vivocity and shop with you.
Sorry huijia for not going to meet you after work for dinner.

I just.. feel quite awful. Really really.

sighs.

-niagaecafruoyeesottsujoddluowitahw-

***

In case i still can't get my laptop up tomorrow, here's the video selection of the week:

Maroon 5 - Won't Go Home Without You

I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
Oh
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

The taste of your breath, I'll never get over
The noises that she made kept me awake
Oh
The weight of things that remained unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you

You've probably would have heard this song on my playlist. Just posting the lyrics along too.

i won't go home without you...

リオ

2008-05-09T21:24:00.002+08:00

i'm right here

right here holding on

holding on the best i can

i hope you never let me go.

-ehtaerbotredrahgnittegsti-

リオ

2008-05-09T08:27:00.004+08:00

and so, the lethargic feeling has finally caught up to my body. All the odds,ends and what-nots accumulated to what we have now. Woke up with a bad throat too, which to me is the biggest surprise of all. If possible, i would have just stayed home all day, but there just had to be a ETE lecture at 10am, and in the afternoon i have CADD2 class, which is just starting on the whole mechanism parts. Not to mention i probably have to show shirlene how to operate the DTXmaniaGR game later too. So the best compromise? Just skip the 9am EM3B lecture.

Though from the way things are going, i'll most likely be late for ETE anyway.
Better be bathing now.

Sick to my stomach. Damn you McSpicy.

-yawynagnipoheunitnocewtubevahtonnacewefilnisgnihteraereht-

リオ

2008-05-07T02:05:00.004+08:00

Random post.

Just because i was lazy to do my hair, people start asking me,

"Eh, you cut your hair arh?"

It doesn't really seem logical to me. If i did not wax my hair at all, it should look longer then usual as its resting on my skull instead of floating all over. Since that is the case, my question would be how can one cut his hair to a longer length? Senseless really..

Once again, i'm penning down my thoughts into a song.

Take good care of yourself during this period of time. Right now, nothing else matters except for you to get well. You've certainly deserved your long awaited rest.

-erehllitsmitahtwonktsujesigolopatnod-

***

The Nut Within the Shell 101L

Fact #46:

Been listening to a new band recently, and they're called <ロードオブメジャー> [Road Of Major]. Some of the songs they have which i like includes 大切なもの [Taisetsu na mono] (you would probably hear this if you hung around a drummania machine in any arcade), 遇然という名の必然 [Guuzen to iuna no hitsuzen] and 心絵 [Kokoro e]. Big ben says they're just one of those typical J-Rock bands. Ah well, to each his own i say.

Here's one of their PV (Promotional Video.. think MTV, Japan style).

Yeah, the first part is quite 'off', so you might want to skip the first 90 seconds and enjoy the rest of the video..

"心絵" [Kokoro E] (Picture Of My Soul, or Heart Picture literally..)
<ロードオブメジャー> [Road of Major]

Romanji Lyrics

egaita yume to koko ni aru ima futatsu no keshiki mikurabete mo
katachi wo kaete koko ni aru no wa tashikana hitotsu no mono

sugiyuku haru wo oshimi nagara mo
bokura no makuaketa ano natsu
ironna koto wo wakari hajimeta aki to nanika ushinatte*a fuyu

GARAKUTA no yama kara sagasu ano hi no yume
hibike kono koe yo hibike kono kokoro yo

namida kareru made mata denu kotae oitsudzukete
*namida hareru made waga yukue mayoi nagara mo
egaki kake no ima kizamu akashi kono te de

kimi to mita hana na no nai hana wa
ima mo kawarazu saite iru yo
iro wa chigaedo kimi wa chigaedo tashika ni saite iru yo

GARAGARA no koe kara sasaru sakebi no uta
hibike kono koe yo hibike kono kokoro yo

namida kareru made tomo ni asu mita kimi yo mada
namida hareru made
warehito yukue sutekirenu nara
egaki kake no ima omoide ni shinai de

mou nukegara no kimi wo mou mitaku wa nai kara
hibike kono koe yo hibike kono kokoro yo

namida kareru made kansei no mienai e wo

Translation Lyrics

Couldn't find.. /=

リオ

2008-05-06T11:02:00.004+08:00

That bad huh? Even big Ben is coming up to me and asking what's wrong.

I know that i've sort of changed somewhat. Whether it's a good sign or not, is up to the individuals perspective. I think of it as shaping my life. I believe everyone has moment(s) where they have to face different trials and tribulations of life, and it is through the passing of these obstacles that determine who they are as a person eventually. And it doesn't even matter if one succeeds or fail in that task. There will be a change.

I would like to share a little story which i've heard once in my primary school, and a second time in my secondary school. I'm pretty sure that most of you out there have heard of this one too. To prevent any discrepancies between how the story is told and how much i can actually recall, i managed to find the tale in a website somewhere. So, enjoy.

Potatoes, Eggs And Coffee Beans

Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn't know how she was going to make it.

She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot, and ground coffee beans in the third pot.

He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter.

The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing.

After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.

Turning to her he asked. "Daughter, what do you see?"

"Potatoes, eggs, and coffee," she hastily replied.

"Look closer", he said, "and touch the potatoes." She did and noted that they were soft.

He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.

"Father, what does this mean?" she asked.

He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity - the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently.

The potato went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak.

The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard.

However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.

"Which are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean? "

In life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.

Which one are you?

It is a fact that everyone single soul on this planet will have to face some problems, situations and worries in their lives. It is how you face them that differentiate you from the others. Take some time and think about it.

-ydaerlauoygnissimmaidna-

***

The Nut Within the Shell 101:

Fact #71:

I'm a uber huge fan of the anime 'One Piece' ! I watch both the anime on VeohTV and catch up with the manga when it get's uploaded. Currently, anime-wise, it's on episode 350, and still running! The 'Mugiwara (Straw Hats)' crew haven't even got to the 'New World' yet, which is the other half of the second part of the anime. There's still another five of the 'Shichibukai' to face, Zoro's battle with Mihawk, the four 'Yonkous', the Marine heads and of course, the 'Gorosei', if they even do battle at all.

Besides the storyline line, which is very enjoyable with intriguing plots and many comical scenes (with references to Luffy and his crew), the anime also touches on different aspects of lives, like friendship, loyalty, hopes, dreams and fears. All these talk about なかま(nakama) makes me wonder about how strong the bonds of friendship can be in our oh-so-real lives. It may just be another anime to some of you, but give it a try. You may be pleasantly surprised.

リオ

2008-05-04T23:33:00.002+08:00

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back/but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own, oh

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight (one more chance tonight)

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not gettin' me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

***

The Nut Within the Shell 101:

Face #49:

When i'm upset with myself, i like to introduce my knuckles to mr. wall.

リオ

2008-05-04T00:47:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry i wasn't able to cheer you up.

I really wished i could have done more to make you feel better.

Get well soon please. >.<

-etatssihtniuoyeesotetahi-

リオ

2008-05-03T04:26:00.002+08:00

I think sometimes i tend to overreact about the minor incidents, over think about the littlest actions.

Simply put, i think too much. I can't help it. When things happen, i will question beyond just why and how did it happen. I will think about the possible causes and the effects produced thereafter. Why did it happen that way instead of another. What can i interpret from the incident which just unfolded. Any hidden messages somewhere along the line, and stuffs like that.

Don't worry about me guys, things may not turn out to be as bad for me as you think.

-ootgnitseretniebnacgnipmacdeludehcsnu-

***

The Nut Within the Shell 101:

Fact #87:

Don't ask how or why i'm deciding to post this for this entry.

-PSLE Results 2001-

English: A
Maths: A
Science: A
Mother Tongue (CL): B (Quite possibly the highest i ever got for my mother tongue. How i got a B here is still a complete mystery to me.)

Average Aggregate: 215

リオ

2008-05-02T10:01:00.004+08:00

The only thing i hate more then having an ulcer.. is having two ulcers. I have like, two on my lower lips that are joined (yes joined) together. How? Maybe it was because i bit myself on the same spot twice? And it didn't help much that the tooth which caused it was pointy sharp. I have a third ulcer like just below my jaw, on the inner gums. Uber irritating. I hate it when i bite my lip accidentally.

-emitemasehttasnoitomehtobecneirepxeemekamnacuoyylno-

***

-The scheduled 'The Nut Within the Shell 101' program is currently unavailable in this entry. Please check your local listings to see when it will be resumed again within your country.-

-We apologise for any inconvenienced caused.-

リオ

2008-05-01T23:43:00.005+08:00

sighs

sifting through the 'Now Showing's, i realised there's so many movies i want to watch..

- The Forbidden Kingdom
- Superhero Movie
- Doomsday
- Ironman
- Money No Enough (10th Anniversary Release ; GV Only)

Yeah, i know i've already watched 'Money No Enough' from before, but i still want to watch it again. It's one of those Jack Neo movies which are forgotten by the general public. I'm very sure people will remember 'I Do, I Do', 'The Best Bet' and of course, 'Just Follow Law' better.

So many movies, so little time..

***

The Nut Within the Shell 101:

Fact #55:

One of the very first movies i can recall watching was 'Antz', a Walt Disney animation movie. It was released about the same time when 'A Bug's Life' was out too. I actually watched it with my whole family, surprisingly. That was the one and only time we watched a movie together.

リオ

2008-05-01T11:44:00.010+08:00

I know it's uncharacteristic for me to randomly post songs and stuff, but i just felt like it now. Enjoy.

Happy Labour's Day, mina-san.

Sidenote: I just realised that for the whole of yesterday, i didn't comsume anything besides a cup of bubble-tea. hmm...

-emasehtllitsyllaersgnihtera-

***

Rivermaya - You'll Be Safe Here

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Chorus:

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
'Coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

Chorus:

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe,
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

Normally a song's chorus wouldn't change at all (or much anyway), but this song is different from the others which i've heard. The chorus changes, and even though the perspective of the meaning is slightly different, but the meaning behind it is still there.

Fell in love with this song as soon as i heard the lyrics. This was the inspiration for my first composed song.

***

Enrique Iglesias - Hero

Would you dance
if I asked you to dance?
Would you run
and never look back?
Would you cry
if you saw me cry?
And would you save my soul, tonight?

Would you tremble
if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die
for the one you loved?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Would you swear
that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Oh, I just want to hold you.
I just want to hold you.
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by your forever.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.
I can kiss away the pain.
And I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.

Yes i know, oldie song. I still like it anyway. Sometimes, it's not about the tune, but the lyrics which are written. The meaning, thoughts and the emotions behind them. What do they invoke in the individuals who listens to them? Everyone has issues with their lives. Listening to songs like these may help them to find solace.

My personal opinion anyway.

***

The Nut Within the Shell 101:

Fact # 33:

I almost drowned once when i was young, though i can't remember exactly how old. Maybe somewhere between 7 to 10 years old? Was at a swimming complex. Normally the little ones would just stay in the baby pool area i know. I was running back at forth between the baby pool and the lounge area where there was some snacks there. It was during one of those trips when i fell into the big pool. Of course then, i didn't know how to swim. I only remember some guy jumping in and carried me out, i don't remember anything after that.

Surprisingly, that incident didn't leave any emotional scars on me. Up till now, i'm not deterred about swimming in pools and such. Though it's true that i still don't swim very well, but it has nothing to do with phobia of water and such.

リオ

2008-04-30T15:38:00.003+08:00

This must be the first time in a long while (or just first time, period) that i'm blogging during class time. Not really missing much, since it's just computer design class. No, we don't design computers here. It's a class learning how to use a computer software, 'Pro Engineer 3.0', to design stuffs out. The lecturer is introducing one of the sweeping functions of the program, but i've already completed all the exercises through next week classes already. One of my classmate even said i don't have to come for a few lessons already.

Well, it's not that i'm 'professional' with the software or anything, it's just that i have already done this module before last semester, and the only reason why i'm repeating is because i did not submit any assignments. Not much anyway. Sometimes i do feel that i have an unfair advantage over the rest of the current class because of my past experience. I even felt bad when the lecturer gave me extra marks just for, ahh well, forget about it.

I'm still not very used to my 'new' class, though it's the third week of school already..

***

talk about mixed directions..

-yadehtfodnehttagnitiawerehthgirllitsmienoddnadiassillanehw-

***

The Nut Within the Shell 101:

Fact #53:

If i had to choose one superpower ability, i would want to be invisible!

No wait, i would want to fly, preferbly without the use of wings.

Ahh ! Super-speed would be fun too!

I want.. i want.. ..sighs.

リオ

2008-04-27T22:54:00.006+08:00

Thanks for your concern.. really really. It's not that i don't want to tell you, just that it's not the right time yet. Sorry if i seem unreasonable or anything.

Thanks for being there. Remember i'm here for you too.

***

The Nut Within the Shell:

Fact #60:

Sigh.. since this is technically a new entry, so by default i have to add in this section. Ah well, let's be random with this, colours of my life.

I have a white NintendoDS Lite with a pink acrylic cover.
I have a white Creative Zen StonePlus MP3 player with a pink silicon skin.
The wax i'm currently using in pink in colour (as in the packaging).

When i drink Green Apple Green Tea, i use a purple straw.
When i drink Milo Smoothie Kosong, i use a green straw.

My slippers are black with green prints.

Most of my shirts are black.

Only 2 of them are orange.

Which is surprising 'cause it's supposed to be my favourite colour and stuff. The only orangey stuffs i have are those 2 shirts.. and also when people MSNs me, and you know those little tabs on the bottom toolbar just flashes orange? Yeah..

I want orange shades!! /=

リオ

2008-04-27T11:21:00.003+08:00

And so, i find myself back at the point i try so hard to avoid. I told myself never to return again, but it still keeps happening. Over, and over, and over. And everytime it does, it just burns a bigger hole in my heart. I just don't know what to do anymore.. someone please tell me. Past experiences have taught me nothing but anguish and disappointment. I don't want to live through those again. It took me so long to get to where i am again, but now i find another trial looming before me. I am now at a path which splits left and right.

On the left, the road continues evenly without any obstruction. However, it might not lead me to where i want it to. It may eventually does so, but i do not know just how long it will continue before i finally get there.

Towards the right, i find a huge crater in the middle of the road, with no way of getting over.. .. ..except for a lone bridge spanning across the diameter of the hole. There is a sign manning the bridge which reads 'HOPE'.

If i picked left, it would mean me ignoring the signs, the experiences accumulated thus far and leaving everything else behind.

If i picked right, i would have to cross the bridge. If 'HOPE' is real, this path i'm taking would lead me out, to a destination i have been seeking since the start of my journey. But if 'HOPE' turns out to be false, the bridge would break, as they all had before, and i would fall down into the abyss of sorrows, where i have to begin my slow ascend all over again.

Once again, it has come to this.

I do not want to make the wrong choice...

..neither do i want to be alone.

-noosyrcdoogadeeni-

***

Video selection of the week:

Thanks for sharing.. everyone else enjoy..

***

The Nut within The Shell:

Fact #8:

Behind every smile, there is a teardrop.

Behind every laughter, there is something i cry about.

I can appear strong and be there for anyone, but sometimes, i need someone to lean on too..

"The happiest person you see in front of you, may just turn out to be the most saddest person in front of you"

-Evon

リオ

2008-04-26T23:26:00.004+08:00

words once spoken cannot be withdrawn.

actions once done cannot be forgotten.

things which happened cannot be excused.

sometimes, a simple apology is just not enough.

事的愧惭很件一是人起不对

リオ

2008-04-20T20:51:00.004+08:00

I apologise for the major lack of updates from *refer to date of below post*. My modem sort of crashed (don't know how, don't ask me), so past few days had no wireless at home at all. Total deprivation if you asked me. I realised i cannot live on a laptop with no internet access. Over-reliance maybe, but's that's not a bad thing.. right?

Anyhows, now that i finally have access to the world wide web, i can finally take off somthing that has been on my chest for a long, long, long, HELL long time.

I HATE THE FREAKING SINGAPORE BUS SERVICE !!

Damn it sucks, seriously. I can wait for like god-knows-how-many minutes (psst.. try 25 to 45 mins), and the bus i want will NEVER arrive. Instead, the other bus services seems to come in the truckloads. It's stupendously frustrating can? Makes me want to just tear down the bus-stop. And the thing is when the bus i want finally comes, guess what? It's one of those 'OMG LOOK! ITS A NEWLY UPGRADED, SOUPED-UP HI-TECH BUS OF THE CENTURY! WOW! IT EVEN HAS INDIVIDUAL SEATS! HOW CONVENIENT!'. Convenient my PUII ! What the hell is wrong with you people? We don't need better seats, widescreen HD television or a takoyaki stand on the bus. JUST IMPROVE ON YOUR CURRENT BUS SCHEDULES! The bus arrival intervals that are posted at every bus-stop? PROPAGANDA THROUGH AND THROUGH! Please get it through your skulls that some people might have to take 2 buses to reach home, and if the buses fail to come at regular intervals, we might face the possibility of missing the last bus home. If it's stated that each bus interval is maximum 20 minutes, make sure that we don't wait for 45 MINUTES.

If you blue collared workers actually spent some time to find out what service the regular commuters REALLY expects from SBS, you might actually see a RISE in passengers numbers and GAIN in net profit.

Besides that, nothing more i want to rant about for this week. Maybe another post in future about the CCA Fiesta and the 3 day interviews.

***

Video Selection of the Week:

Godzilla Banzai!!

***

The Nut within The Shell 101:

Fact #82:

I had this weird growth in my right nipple once (sorry if you guys are disgusted, i'm just saying it as it is.. *shrugs*). It wasn't that big.. like the size of a 10c coin? Family thought it was some cancerous growth. Me? I thought i was developing a breast. And so, the doctor autopsy was that because those chicken handlers have been injecting alot of female harmones in the chickens to make them grow bigger breasts and thighs, and i have been eating alot of chicken lately (chicken rice, guilty as charged), this the abnormal spurt of female harmones caused that growth in my right nipple. Solution? Stop eating chickens. For that period of time anyway.

So guys, word of advice. Too many chickens is bad for you chest. (=
For girls who feels unsettled about their physical selfs, eat more chicken! (x

リオ

2008-04-07T06:22:00.003+08:00

Just a short post right here, though i not sure what i want to blog about. I guess i just want to post for the sake of posting. Ah well, went for buffet dinner with family at Traders Hotel. Good food, though not much variety. I must have eaten like, 4 whole crayfish?

Haha..and for dessert, double scoops of vanilla with double scoops of chocolate with chocolate rice and hazelnut sprinkles on top. I also custom added atapchi and longans into the mix. Oh oh! And two marshmallows dipped in chocolate fondue. Yummy goodness all in one bowl. I probably would have taken a picture of it, but my sony ericsson went dead in the morning, so i just left it at home.

Going to clubhouse later to practise 'Have You Ever' with Ben and Greg for ME orientation program. Supposed to be 2 p.m., but the in-charge of the event changed the date of hearing to Monday afternoon from Tuesday. Since we haven't actually had a chance to go through yet, no choice we have to meet earlier to settle the song.

And so, it's now 6 a.m. in the morning. Didn't go to sleep again ~~as usual~~. Was watching cable till about 2 in the morning, and i figured that i probably couldn't wake given the amount of hours i was left to sleep with. So didn't bother with sleeping at all.

-rehcaetasadeliafevahohwisitispahrep,tnedutsasaliaftndiduoy-

***

Video selection of the week (okay, so it's like monday already. So what? I only missed it by 6 hours..) :

Fly Away
Lenny Kravitz

Totally dig this song, has a funky groove going on. I'm learning the slap'n and the pop'n of the bass. If you don't know what's that, just listen to the bass during the song's verse. And check it out! The drummer's a SHE! ha..

***

The Nut within the Shell 101:

Fact #92:

Okay.. what now. Seriously have no idea right now. I'm typing this as i go along. Ah well, let's talk about my pets.

I have a jack russell dog named 'Rover'. He's found in the front porch of my house. I also have a cat of unknown breed named 'Rabbit(don't ask)'. She's found in the backyard(kind of..) of my house. We have like, a dog guarding the north end and a cat guarding the south end of my house. Ahaas..

History of pets includes (in the order i can remember):

- Fighting Fish (Prolonged exposure to solar energy; Sunburnt)
- Arrowana [金龙鱼] (Death by electrocution via florescent lamp attached to tank)
- Chick (Not as in 'girl' chick. It's 'young chicken' chick)
- Kittens (Mysteriously disappeared after return from overseas trip)
- Another dog (It got hit by a truck)
- Dwarf Hamsters (Cannibalism)

リオ

2008-04-01T23:49:00.001+08:00

And so i spruced up my blog a little to fine tune the overall appearance. 'Zhng' my blog, so to speak. Removed the 'Funeral Marching' midi 'cos it always goes spastic at the beginning. Drives me crazy. I guess i can be inclined as a perfectionist at times. Actually, i can see myself changing to another blogskin. Although i like the theme of this skin, it doesn't fully appeals to me. I definitely don't see myself using this skin long-term wise.

Oh yes, this is going to be hell-of-a long post, so please only read when you're tremendously bored, like when you're having attachment, this is the last blog on your list to visit, the television has got absolutely nothing of interest on, etc etc..

Otherwise, please bear with me. ありがとございますた.

***

I would like to begin with this thought in mind:

When you observe the actions of those around you closely, you will know how much a friend they see you as. Think of it as, how they would rate you from 0 to 10, with 10 being the best anyone can get, and 0 being stay away from me. Simple details which might appear minute to some, i actually do process the information. Even though i may be wrong, but i'm going to say this anyway.

To be totally honest, i feel that i don't have a firm place in anybody at all. I mean, besides hh and huijia. I've always thought i've had more friends, and i'm sure even they themselves think they are a friend of mine. But the truth of the matter is, from where i see it, we are nothing but mere acquaintances. I feel i've always taken the 1st step to make fast friends. Then i realise, that's all the friends i am going to have, nothing beyond the facial stage.

You may know what i do. You may know what i study.

You may know my name.

But that's all there is, ain't it?

I mean, who out there can really step up to the plate and announce that he or she really knows me?

I've been told that i have to reach out to make friends beyond the present stage.

But hey, i don't feel needy. I don't need people at my beck and call whenever i'm having depression periods. It just sad to see how many people actually take the initiative. I don't even need one whole hand to count.

Of course, i may seem quite hypocritical about this too. On one hand, i always keep everything to myself, hardly ever do i share my inner thoughts with anyone. On the other, i'm lamenting and complaining that people don't take the 1st step towards me. I know, i get it. Something's always wrong with me anyway.

I do question myself too. Like, why, out of 390 contacts in my messenger, only a fraction still double clicks on me, albeit not frequently. Why bother with updating of ringtones and message alerts when nobody bothers to look for you anyway.

If i remove the drum lessons i'm giving. If i remove the performances i'm told to perform. What reason will anyone have to contact me? What for will people continue to have a social link with me?

And so i shall foresee. Friends i have now will forever be limited to acquaintances. Your so-called 'Hi-bye' friends, in lament terms. Condemned to a life of wondering around shopping malls, watching movies and eventually dying.. alone.

P.S. Please don't spend extra effort to talk to me, or invite me out after reading this. i would take it that you're pitying me. Also, it just won't be natural. If i can't have REAL friends, i rather have none at all.

***

Now that that's done, on with the blogging.

SCC Chalet III was okay, but new experience though. We had barbecue for both nights. That was interesting, 'cos the norm thing to happen for a chalet was to have one barbecue night only. There was also a wireless service provided by downtowneast, but the signal was from the lobby. So, being like almost the other end of the chalet, the signal strength was, needless to say, pathetic. Our chalet itself turned out to be a room-version. Picture any normal hotel room you've seen in you're life. That was it. That was our chalet. A toilet on the left of the door, a fridge slightly ahead, and at the end of the short corridor (i wouldn't even call it a corridor..), the area opened up to a television on a shelf and a queen size bed with two single mattresses at the bottom. Oh, and a sliding door at the end for the small balcony.

Lots of snaps taken for the 3 days. Almost 300 shots. The most out of any collection thus far. Evon was getting the photos from me when she inquired about the previous two chalet pictures. I was like, oh yeah, what happened to them? After awhile, i deduced that I had no access to the camera back at SCC Chalet I, and i had clean forgotten about bringing the camera to SCC Chalet II.

I didn't drink much during this chalet. What a letdown. I was hoping i could get wasted again. Another time perhaps..

Oh, and for the record, this is to zhiwei, evon and qiuyun:

I DIDN'T 'EMO' THIS TIME FOR THE DURATION OF THE CHALET !! Wuahahahahaaa ~

Came home on Sunday afternoon, around twelve-ish. Needless to say, i thumped on my bed and snoozed for the rest of the day, only waking up to have dinner(Salted fish fried rice, end up whole packet like half a salted fish also don't have) before continuing my siesta.

Monday, another one of those 'orh, okay whatever.' days. Basically, wake, sleep, wake, game, eat, web, eat, sleep.

Can't get any more simpler then that.

Oh yea, one of the website i randomly came across was the STOMP forums. I only went through the 'I Confess' section. Really cracked me up. There was this topic that went something like," What are the things people say to you that makes you angry"-or-something-like-that.

One of the poster went:

" personally, one of the hugest turn offs for me are those who mangle the
English language till it's incoherent. short forms and acronyms are fine. not
when they're written like this:

t0dAy HoR, mYy tHe lIfE iShhhH bErRi dE
SiaNZzz l0rrRrrxxxXx. miIiE luuUUrRRbbEs MieeE'S De LaaOoo GoNg!! *huuuUGs* I
RoOXxX wOrzz

ARGH! worse still if they talk like that. I can just
strangle people who talk/write like that. oh oh oh.. and those who act cute too!
give me a break, either you have the looks or you don't. those little annoying
actions won't make you look more kaAwaAiIii; in fact, you look more retarded (if
that's possible) doing them.

h0Pe uuuuu eNj0yEd miiiieee rAaanT w0rxxxx!
yAaay!!! "

For those of you who is encountering this type of written pattern for the first time, it's called 'twit'. It's when you.. well.. the guy above already described it pretty much. I myself have seen girls typing like this, though thankfully, not all of them are as extreme as the poster above. There is only a certain level of 'twit' i can 'tahan' before going bonkers. But don't worry 'twiters' out there, it's relatively high. I'm a pretty tolerable guy.

But i have to ask this question. What for 'twit' your text? It might seem cute at first, sure, but don't you find it a hassle to type extra letters, and also remembering to capitalise some of them at random intervals?

I mean, even if comparing with Singlish

1) Hi, how is you? You got the thing for me or not? hahas..

2) hiEe, hOw ishH eUu?? Euu gOrt tHe thINg fOrr miEE oRR noRt? heExHeeX..(omg, i can't believe i actually typed that out..)

Which one would be less time comsuming to type out? Not to mention easier to comprehend. I can assure you, the 1st line will produce lesser head scratches, even though it's in Singlish.

If you want a good laugh, visit the STOMP forum. I'm too lazy to type out the link. So yeah, too bad.

Today was another one of my lonesome boring outdoors. You probably won't be interested about me going out alone anyway, so i'll bar the details.

- Went Plaza Singapura
- Nua-ed in arcade for like 2-3 hours
- Saw 七仔 everywhere
- Bumped into secondary school juniors

Oh, this you have to hear. There was three girls, two i knew and the third one i've seen before back in secondary school. Anyway, one of the girl's name was Candy Chua Xin Tian (literally, heart sweet). Her folks sure spent no expense at such a nice name for her.

That was about it i guess. Left the place somewhere after 6 p.m.. After reaching home for awhile, jia told me to go buy dinner with her. So i "Orhh-ed" and went along. Usual randomness along the way.

And now, here we are. Now, that wasn't so bad was it? Yeah, sure it was a long entry, but you've had nice music accompanying you along the way, courtesy or me.

Have a nice morning/day/afternoon/evening/night*!

* Circle one

Happy April's Fool mina-san.

***

The Nut within the Shell 101:

Fact #32:

I've never had a real first kiss before. Yeah, i know it's kind of random and 'off', but there's nothing else i can think of. I want to sleep already.

リオ

2008-03-28T12:25:00.003+08:00

And so my song had been performed last Wednesday. I guess overall, i was pretty satisfied with the performance. Though when i heard my recording, i think i played a tad too much at the later ends of the song. Have a video recording too, but i don't want to post, 'cos will feel 'pai sei' about it. Ha ha.. 没脸见人.

Below are the results posted today:

Lyrics:
- Farewell In The Skies (7.6)
- Ai Ge Qian (7.56)
- Wang Ji (6.67)
- Forbidden Love (6.57)
- Fall From Grace (6.45)
- Yong Yuan (6.14)
- Play It Slow (6.14)

Melody:
- Ai Ge Qian (7.33)
- Wang Ji (7.28)
- Farewell In The Skies (7.25)
- Waiting (6.85)
- Forbidden Love (6.5)
- Play It Slow (6.29)
- Fall From Grace (6.23)
- Yong Yuan (5.88)

Arrangement:
- Ai Ge Qian (7.44)
- Waiting (7.4)
- Farewell In The Skies (7.0)
- Wang Ji (6.71)
- Play It Slow (6.43)
- Forbidden Love (6.25)
- Fall From Grace (6.18)
- Yong Yuan (6.11)

Singing:
- Farewell In The Skies (7.3)
- Ai Ge Qian (7.00)
- Fall From Grace (6.82)
- Wang Ji (6.71)
- Waiting (6.55)
- Play It Slow (6.43)
- Forbidden Love (6.13)
- Yong Yuan (6.00)

Overall:
- Ai Ge Qian (7.33)
- Farewell In The Skies (7.33)
- Waiting (6.93)
- Wang Ji (6.84)
- Fall From Grace (6.42)
- Forbidden Love (6.36)
- Play It Slow (6.32)
- Yong Yuan (6.03)

Scoring wise, 'Farewell in the Skies' fared better then 'Have You Ever', though i still prefer the latter, not because it's my 1st song. I like it, just because i like it?

Going down to Pasir Ris Station later for SCC Chalet. It's the 3rd one already, but this time i'm not the organiser. Ha ha. Jiamin just called me, saying only Weiming, me and her will be meeting up as the rest will be coming after work. Shao is coming also, i just told him about it yesterday. Will be back on Sunday night.. or Monday afternoon.. i don't know.

So till then, toodles ~

***

The Nut within the Shell 101:

Fact #22:

My room is always very messy, and i like have to do massive 'spring cleaning' for my room once every 2-3 weeks... or when i feel like it. Friends of mine who comes over won't really realise this because i always tidy my room to a mint condition prior to their visitation.

The worst remark i got from my family about my room was, "There's so much rubbish around that you can't even see the floor!"

リオ

2008-03-23T23:18:00.001+08:00

an eventful day, though i won't say why.

But i know that everytime i look at this post, i will remember the scenes that unfolded.

This is the very first step i'm taking. I don't know what the future holds, i don't know if i'm prepared for it. What i do know is, i have to give it my all.

There's no turning back.

-yademoseybdoogyasotevahllaew-

***

The Nut Within the Shell 101:

Fact #61:

I like to bite the end of my straw on my drink, so much so that it's deformity almost prevents any liquid from flowing up again. I didn't start off with this biting habit initially. When i was young, i remember seeing my sister always biting her straw too. So it was the 'Monkey-See-Monkey-Do' scenario.

So straws out there, beware!

P.S. I'm actually running out of random facts for my 101 section. If any of you wants to dig out infomation about me, requests are accepted at the tagboard. But please do start off with small little tidbits before asking those all-time popular questions. (See? My blog is interactive!)

***

Video Selection of the week:

This is a pretty straightforward fill-in for any beginner to learn after getting the basic techniques down. The constant open hi-hat is something new for me, but i think after a little practice, should be able to get in done. I believe he was double stroking whenever he did his filling in, and he also accents on the ride by double stroking every certain interval.

Oh yes. Please ignore the text that appears and what he says at the end. Just listen to the drums.

リオ

2008-03-21T04:18:00.002+08:00

It sucks. Totally. When you think you've met a friend, who is more then just a friend. A friend who can tolerate your idiocy. A friend who knows you a lot more then others. A friend whom you can spill your guts to and share your woes. A friend whose residence is just separated by one street. You're thinking all that, and then you realise, she's moving away. As if graduating wasn't enough. Now this has to happen.

I can honestly say i'm not very happy about it. Not one bit.

Adding on, let's focus about my results, or rather, a lack thereof, which i received about a week ago. I was expecting a F, but lo and behold! The school surprised me with 3. It wasn't until a few days later before the realisation set in. Refering back to my past results, i had failed a module which is only taught once a year, meaning it's dead set in stone that i have to retain for another year. Now i have failed another 3 modules in this semester. I'm looking at a possible 2nd year to retain in. Even if they decide to cram my timetable, i'm still looking at 1 year 6 months at least. Thus, worst case senario, 5 years in ngee ann.

When ziqin, qiuyun, zhiwei, fun and company's batch graduate, i'm still here.
When xueting, gary, ken, cheryl and company's batch graduate, i'm still here.

I hate this. Everyone is going, and i'm hating it. Even if it's still early to say this, but hell, i'm going to be left behind. Everyone i know is gone, poof, au revoir, see you later, and i will be alone once again. The band of SCCeans i spent my time with will just be nothing but a distant memory.

I can cry, scream, punch the walls, grit my teeth all i want, but nothing is going to change. I'm through with blaming myself. I'm just unable to accept the consequences. EVERYONE IS LEAVING TOO SOON DAMMIT.

***

Let me tell you about a dream i had. There was a bunch of SCC people, and i was somewhere at the sidelines watching. Just watching. I heard one of them say something about going somewhere, and they just started leaving one by one. They couldn't be bothered with my presence. No one cared anymore. I just stood there and watch the last of the group disappear over the horizons.

Where are you people going? What about me? Why am i left behind?

Perhaps, this is a glimpse of what my future is to be..

リオ

2008-03-11T02:30:00.008+08:00

As usual, zero updates. Well, at least i'm better of then people like stiff and jiayi, and definately henghui, whose blog is dead for the 3rd time.

So what happened from 4th march to 10th march? Ehh, i don't remember..

Okay, i remember last wednesday night i went with jia to buy her dinner before going home to eat my dinner.

Last thursday went to cut my hair. Farewell my beautiful locks~ Hahaha, i'm not so emotionally attached to my hair. Well, i did enjoy the thought of "let's see how long i can keep my hair before i get irritated", but the ugly side of not being able to style and maintain long hair reared it's ugly head. Also, everytime the fan blew my way, strands of hair would just fly everywhere. Even my hairband is not enough to hold back some of the hair growing from god-knows-where side of my cranium. Went to IT Show at suntec after that. Bought a couple of stuffs, and had to use my POSB card too..=/ I think my account balance is going to fall below the 4 digits margin again.. and to think i recently deposited some cash in.

Friday night went out with jia again, to buy her dinner again, before going home to eat my dinner again. Went abit kuku on the bus back home. Jia said there was something wrong with my head. Well, she says that all the time. Haa.

Saturday was spent in clubhouse. Helped a little with gala dinner and stuff. I personally handpumped 102 black and purple balloons (2 burst, so left 100), and it was only after i finished them all before qiuyun decided to just transport 20 balloons over to the gala dinner venue and re-inflate 80 new balloons tomorrow again. Chienwen kinda broke down a little under pressure as she was having problems with the minus one songs and the message dedication board. Felt a little bad as she thought the guys were making too much noise, according to her. And so, everybody left at about 5 to 6-ish and the last three to leave were me, qiuyun and ivy. Took a bus to JEC for dinner at KFC. I jokingly mentioned to qiuyun that for all 3 KFC dinner that we went to, i was sitting opposite her. She gave me one of her signiture 'whatever' look. Priceless.. LOL!

Sunday.. SCC Gala Dinner! I can tell this is going to be a long post, so i'll entry this tomorrow maybe, or tonight, depending how you look at it cos it's like 3.20 a.m. already.. so yeah..

***

The Nut within the Shell 101:

Fact #51:

I learned how to ride a bicycle on 14th February, 2003. Funny ain't it?

The story was that there was a small group outing that day, and you know all about young adolescent crushes right. Well there was this girl in that group, and she was riding on a bike most of the time. That's what you do usually at East Coast Park anyway. So i borrowed someone's bicycle and just kept going on and on,on and on, pedaling on the bike. Finally, after about two to three hours, i learned how to ride a bicycle. Haha. Have you heard of ABCDE?

A boy can do everything for girls. Hahaha.

リオ

2008-03-03T23:55:00.000+08:00

I so want to go sleep now, but i said that i would update, so here i am.

Went to clubhouse again (6th day in a row, might i add). This time was to help chien wen do some song recording. Wednesday was to pass photos to qiuyun, Thursday was for cheryl and huiyi drumming lesson, Friday was to meet mandy for my song, and both weekends for filming of SCC Movie.

Speaking of Friday, this very embarrassing situation happened to me. It was around 11p.m. already when i boarded the bus from ngee ann. As i went up the bus, something, like a speck of dust or sand, flew into my eye. It wasn't really painful or anything, just irritating. Ok, now imagine 2 scenarios:

1) I was looking down after tapping my card and furiously blinking my eye to get the intruder out of my eye.

2) A girl in front walks pass the first few empty seats, notices that the back of the bus was full, turns around and walks back to the front seat.

What happened was event 1 and 2 happened simultaneously, causing a forehead collision of epic proportions. One of her friend behind me went like,"你很好笑 leii 你."

I quickly scooted to the back of the bus after muttering apologies to save myself (and possibly the girl's) some face. It was like, so embarrassing can? In the end, after sitting down, i still can laugh to myself.

After all, how many friends do you know who have had this type of head banging incident?

Mandy's chord arrangement for my song is like "HOLYSHIT OWNAGE" nice! Okay, maybe i exaggerate a little, (yaya a lot, whatever), but the flow of the song is really really cool. Currently awaiting melody so i can fill in the lyrics.

My other song, which is done by steve, is done melody-wise. Funny thing about that was that i originally asked steve to play the chords mandy sent me before, and somehow or another, through chords changes here and there for convenience sake (mostly his..), it became a new song altogether. Has those kind of "touchy-touchy" feel.

Hopefully the lyrics won't be much of a letdown. Worked on it for a few days already. I can relate to the feel of the melody, and i know just what to write about, but i still have some problems writing it down in words. Looks like i'm not so literate after all.

An expression of one's own emotions. 手放开.

***

Here's a random tidbit for you. Go measure your fore finger (that's the first finger from your thumb) and your ring finger (third from your thumb).

Research has shown that people with a longer ring finger then their fore finger has the blueprints for a female body. Same goes for vice-versa.

That means if you have a longer ring finger, that means you have the genes-makeup, brain, thinking, etc.. of a female.

If you have a longer fore finger, that means you have the genes-makeup, brain, thinking, etc.. of a male instead.

That doesn't mean that if your a guy with a long ring finger, you're a gay or something like that. It just means that before birth, the original sketches for you indicated that you would be a girl. However, the sex-deciding factor (which i think is the XX-XY chromosomes thingys..) thought otherwise, therefore you poofed out as a boy.

So even though you have the body and soul makeup of a female, your young brain, though female inclined, is still sceptical to external factors. Countless sources of media, books and age-old parenting would mold your brain with the infomation of 'how a boy should behave'.

..that is, if i remember correctly what the tv show told me. =/

***

The Nut within the Shell 101:

Fact #13:

My all time favourite number is 13.

If restricted to single digits, then it would be 3.

Otherwise, it's the much tabooed 13.

リオ

2008-03-03T03:26:00.001+08:00

Temporary holding site until i find another skin.

..or i could just stick with this one.

Will update soon, the next time when i wake up anyway.

リオ

2008-02-17T16:16:00.012+08:00

Received this mail from huiting a few days ago:

***
CANCER - The Protector ( June 21 - July 22)
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring.
Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.

(Bolded are points i find true, which is pretty much all, 'cept for one.)
***

Yes, i know i know. This kind of novelty ideas are always filled with generic statements which can be applied to many people across the horoscopes. These are the compliments people want to hear about themselves, even if they seem to be the modest kind.

I mean, would you prefer,

"You suck balls dude!"

Or

"You're a swell person to be with!"

Catch my drift?

But then again, everyone probably need small reminders like this so as to spice up their life a little, to somewhat make their lives less demeaning, to give them another reason to live for just one more day. Oh, what do i know anyway. I don't know much about life to lecture about it.

***

Friday's EM3B paper was.. well, let's just say it's over and move on. There's still the ETE paper this coming Thursday, and already i fell back to slackish mode. There's so much to this module that i still am unable to comprehend. I might subconsciously given up on trying to study altogether. Hopefully, i can squeeze into a study group with dailou and company.

After the paper, i went to the clubhouse to learn a little more keyboard playing variation from steve. Then i got him to whack a melody out with some chords that i had. Somehoe or the other, he changed a few chords here and there, and it became a melody for a different song altogether. Oh well, i guess i can use this new melody to compose a second song?

Songs to write, songs to write..

***

The Nut within the Shell 101:

Fact #73:
My favourite colour is actually orange, though i'm sure quite a number of people are under the impression that it was blue, pink or even purple.

***

Video Selection of the week:

Ahh.. i can never get enough of this. (x

リオ

2008-02-13T18:09:00.008+08:00

lack of updates.. as usual.

days just pass by quickly for me. events that were momentarily etched in my mind have now been blurred out.

i remember..

..

...

..nothing much actually.

*

Ah yes, once again, it's that time of the year.

When hopeless singles roam the streets, glancing with envy over at the boundless sight of pairs in every shop and corner.

When individuals are obligatorily at their other half's beck and call, satisfying their every need for the sake of the season.

When dateless entities feels heavier effects of depression then usual.

When i'm shut away from the rest of the world.

*

Fine. Let's get down with it and be all technical.

14th February. Day of Saint Valentine.

What's the deal with it?

For one, this particular day sees an increase in the amount of couples everywhere. Everyday items such as chocolates, plushies and flowers(particularly roses) recieves a price hike, along with a "Special Valentine's Day Only!" promotions appearing suddenly. The male species, especially, finds the need to purchase them for their other half even though they wouldn't normally do so on any other given day. Perhaps the moon for this particular day gives off a special aura which mutates our hormones to bring out out 'romantic-ness within'.

It's just wrong.

Don't misjudge me. I have nothing against Valentine's Day.

It's just that, why do people wait until this particular day before doing something special for their partner? What is it about this day that makes it so unique? Even though i myself do not understand the meaning of the 14th day on the 2nd month, but i'm pretty sure that it doesn't mean this is the only day you have to spend time with your boyfriends or girlfriends. Buying gifts and spending time is something natural, something every couple will do for the other. Everyday can be a Valentine's Day if you so choose.

Why wait till Valentine's Day before you get the courage to ask for a date? Or buying that big plushie that she goes crazy over? Or giving him a bottle filled with paper hearts that you folded personally yourself? Or even just for a wedding proposal?

It's just plain old silly i tell you.

As long as you can love and cherish your partner wholeheartedly, it doesn't matter if it's 7th April, 16th August or 29th November, everyday can feel like Valentine's Day.

Bah. I think i've written loads of rubbish here. Ignore if you want. I wouldn't blame you.

And tomorrow marks the 18th year in a row of solitution(if there was ever such a word.)

The Nut within the Shell 101:

Fact #47:
69 words

Touch Typing online

(It supposed to show in a minute at the bottom, no idea why the picture got cut off.)

リオ

2008-01-31T03:18:00.001+08:00

A long overdue post. Could have blogged earlier if i haven't left my laptop charger in the clubhouse(as usual..).

Sighs. Had a random talk the other day at the clubhouse. Fun was there, with ziqin, cheryl, and jiayi and chienwen. I believe the main topic was about life as boys and girls, but you know how these type of things has the tendency to go off topic. Somehow, in the middle of all the chatter, we diverted from the topic to the ideal wife/husband, the criteria before one dates another and other random gossips. I did try to 'randomly' ask a question to the group, like it was just a passing thought, but i'm pretty sure ziqin, and maybe cheryl, knew what i was referring to. Astonishingly, everyone had pretty much the same 想法, and i was quite surprised that i had not even come across that possibility. It does makes sense though, and if it's true, then there is no sense in holding on right..? So, what now? A human's emotions doesn't come with an on/off switch. 不能说开就开，说关就关.

Went to jiayi house last friday night. Well actually, by the time we reached, it was already saturday morning, so yeah. And by 'we', there was me with meihar, huiyi, avier, ziqin, ken, steve(who was already at jiayi's place before any of us reached), and of course, jiayi. Remembered to bring my laptop, also brought along a multi-tap in case jiayi's room has not enough outlet, but left my charger in the clubhouse. Fantastic. End up i played 'Fatal Frame II' on jiayi's PS2 to scare myself silly. After awhile some of the people went to make sushi. Oh, speaking of sushi..

Each of you guys owe me $3.50 for the ingredients. Pay up pay up!!

Anyway, i tried the bottle of Hooch i bought earlier. With an alcohol content of only 5%, it was no different from a bottle of orange juice. We started playing 'King of Fighter' after that. First time i see KOF on 3D. so swakoo.. lol. Winner of each round gets 1 shot of Abosulut Vanilla. The alcohol content was 40%, something known as 'nit/neat' or something. I think i won 3 rounds, earning 3 shots. I did drink twice more in place of Steve, who was being so anti-alcoholic. This was my first time i really got to drink. It left quite a burning sensation in my throat. Jiayi's Absolut evetually ran out and was replaced with ken's Absolut Citrus-or-something-like-that. It smelt like some bathroom soap. So down went another 2 shots. Ken's Absolut didn't taste any better then jiayi's, but it was wayyy 'spicer'. And so, there was the first 7 shots of my life. Wooo, what an experience. Transcended 5 levels of brain trauma.

Stage 1 - 40% Light-headed. 60% Sober.
Stage 2 - 40% Heavy-headed. 60% Sober.
Stage 3 - 60% Heavy-headed. Rapidly decreasing soberness.
Stage 4 - 90% Heavy-headed. 10% Drunk.
Stage 5 - KO`ed

Though i puked and felt like shit later when i woke up, it was still kind of fun 'cause tis thy first drinking session..lolzers! Now i know just how much my alcoholic level is roughly around. A pathetic 7 shots.. jeez that's not even a quarter of ken's record. I suck big time at drinking.

Still had quite a headache after i woke up, so i was really looking forward to the prospect of lying in my own bed after leaving jiayi's place. However, i was due to meet huijia for shopping at bugis. If i had remembered that earlier, i probably wouldn't have drunk as much. I didn't choose not to go 'cause she didn't manage to find any other people, we had sort of arranged this a week before, AND i could tell she was having another one of those bad days. So good ole' me naturally had to accompany my 女儿. (x

But oh my god, of all place why bugis street >.>

Shall skip details of shopping spree, 'cause i can tell this is going to turn out to be one hell of a long post.

Okay, Monday, 28th January.

Very weird day at clubhouse. For one, ziqin and qiuyun wanted to go for dinner extra early that day, like only at 7p.m.. True, it might not sound very early to some of you, but take in mind that SCC dinner traditional starts somewhere past 9.30 p.m. at night. Tried to convince jiayi to fly steve aeroplane to the gym and go dinner with us. He was quite caught in the middle between friend and food. Steve also told jiayi that he don't want to force him to go gym, 'cause he don't want to spoil their 'relationship'. In the end, jiayi stuck to his obligating friendship loyalty to steve and went gyming while the girls went to KAP first. I stuck around at clubhouse to wait for the guys to return. So end up we met tup with the girls somewhere close to 10p.m. i believe. Everyone was sharing what happened the other day at jiayi's place. Ziqin claimed i tried to 'molest' her legs in my semi-comatose state, in which i have no recollection of. So, everyone had lots of good laughs.

Left KAP at 11p.m.. Suddenly my mind started in go in overdrive, with unhappy thoughts pre-dominating my state of mind. Because ziqin took the same bus as me, i got to talk with her about what was bothering me.

Thanks ziqin, for listening. (=

itstimeforachange.somethingextreme.

Ok, ok. I promise this is the last(maybe second last) paragraph for this post.

Wednesday, 30th January.

That was like, just hours ago. Performed on the bass for the very first time for Monthly Peformance. I have to say not too bad, granted my strumming for the last chorus messed up just a little. Damn, the bass is fun. But tough on my two left fingers. =/

Only 5 songs were performed this time, and 2 of them can't even be counted because they were performed before last last year. They were added just because there was really only 3 songs that day. Good thing i didn't rush any song for this MP. What's the point of letting people rate my songs if there were only 4 performed? I want my songs to be ran fully through a gauntlet of other song genres, wider range of audience, and of course, MORE SONGS. This way, my song can really be rated as compared to the others more accurately.

After MP was done (once again early, might i add), most of the people went to KAP for dinner (again, as usual) while a few others went to 'Halobar' for some karaoke session. Ok, i don't know what to blog from this point. Pretty much the same random stuffs and craps you would expect when SCC people comes together. Oh, by the way, for the record:

FUN owes me $5.55 for his McNuggets meal.

Yes, as you can probably tell, i'm pretty realistic when it comes to the topic of money. I probably have some other hidden debts that i have forgotten about. I can't be having that, especially since my wallet seems to be empty most of the time. I do treat people too much. That's the problem with me i guess. Free and easy with my limited resource of cash.

OKAY, THAT'S LIKE ENOUGH OF BLOGGING.

This is probably my longest post to date. Took me the longest time to post this too.

I started on Tuesday, around 1 p.m.. The day and time now is Thursday, 3.17 p.m..

So yeah, you do the math. (x

リオ

2008-01-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

Why do you want to change me? I like me the way i am now. Don't you consider my feelings and repercussions in doing so? It's 'tradition'? Oh please. Wake up and smell the flowers if you would. This is the 21st century, hello? Don't make me hate you even more.

Feeling regretfully all of a sudden, due to the one event. 2 years ago. I was a fool then, didn't knew any better. Now i'm paying the price for that mistake. Sure, it might sound silly, a "you'll-get-over-it" kind of deal to all of you, but in truth, to me, it's not. I didn't have the courage back then, my idiocy got the better of me.

the bitter taste of loneliness.

先苦后甜? You'd be a fool to believe that.
永恒的苦? That sounds about right.

Songs to write, but in a state of moodless-ness.

2008-01-16T11:17:00.000+08:00

Be aware of the things you say. You might inadvertently blurt out something offending, and you don't even mean it.

Mood spoiler day through and through, but kept it going in front of everyone. Don't want to appear weak in front of them. How long can i keep it up, i wonder

生病了。要多喝水，多休息。
好好照顾自己。(=

2008-01-07T12:25:00.000+08:00

After years of getting an earful, you just sort of get used to it. That doesn't mean getting an immunity to it though. It's like.. for the case of immunity, the words goes in one ear, slips through the brain and exits the other ear. Getting used to it is like, the nags go in one ear, processes a little, just a wee bit, in the brain, then exits the other ear. The latter does kinda dampens the mood a little. Ah well. Parents. You truly never can satisfy them.

On another note, shall we? Went out with huijia and ziqin yesterday. Jia's laptop's hard disk crashed, so we went sim lim to look for one. I wasn't even supposed to join them, just that when jia called me to enquire about internal hard disk price range (which, i have no clue about), she conveniently asked me to tag along. Since my agenda for the rest of the day was to spend quality time with my bed, i thought why not. I could also check out the prices of external hard disks.

We went burger king for lunch 1st before going hard disk shopping. Jia was doing her usual gossiping with ziqin. i felt a little off there, like kind of intruding. Some of the stuffs they were talking about, i mean, don't they mind my presence? True, they weren't talking 'bout any wrong stuffs, or planning some uprising against the government, but, i don't know. Just feel erking weird to hear them gossip, though it was kind of interesting, lolzers!

Oh yeah, before that, huijia and ziqin were walking in front of me talking when ziqin suddenly just turn around and asked me something. The moment itself was quite off enough, but the what she asked me was like, damn 'off-er'. I thought it was huijia who told her about it, but apparenly, everyone already knew about it. Okay, she said not everyone, just most. I was like, what's the difference?

I had no idea that this nugget of information was known to everyone. Talk about living in oblivion. It's kind of troubling to me.

damn.

2008-01-02T10:21:00.000+08:00

Never thought i could be this early for class. 2 hours to be exact. That's 'cause i reached home on monday afternoon, somewhere after 12, after the new year celebration at clubhouse with some SCC people. Slept for more then 10 hours straight. Couldn't sleep after waking up at around close to 12 a.m.. So spent the remaining hours watching videos before going to school.

And now, i just got chased out of the studio 'cause i was wearing slippers instead of shoes. Pffft whatever, i'll just wait 2 hours outside. No biggie.

p.s. i kept forgetting to 'kop' concert posters from anywhere, damn.

2008-01-01T02:32:00.000+08:00

i made a special wish just for you, but i guess you won't know what it was. Or even know that i made it just for you.

a flurr of emotions whirled throughout the night. can't really think much.

happy new year everyone. sorry to be such a drag in your celebrations.

2007-12-31T23:40:00.000+08:00

20 minutes till year 2008. Another troubling year awaits.

Seeing you, i really do not know how i should react anymore.

2007-12-27T05:29:00.001+08:00

What's the 1st thought that enters your mind when you wake up? Your plans for the day? Someone special? Switching on the heater for a hot shower later? Big breakfast at Mcdonald's?

Mine? It was simple. Why did i wake up at all.

Why can't i continue to lie, to lie and never wake. Never wake in this surreal reality that just drains me every waking moment of my life.

They say the truth hurts. It doesn't. The truth kills. It kills your hope. It kills your faith. It kills everything you ever dreamed of, every belief you have, every damn thing you ever worked for.

All that i am. All that i ever was. For what? For what?

Nothing. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Hello. Goodbye. Come again soon.

All the effort i ever put into myself trying to change, amounted to nothing.

All the days i spend cracking my head to write my 1st song, she never even heard it once.

To any almighty being way up there who is controlling us insignificant beings way down here. Just end it already. You've already screwed me over way beyond my limitations. I'm ready to die now.

~~Fuck me~~

2007-12-05T22:05:00.000+08:00

- This post has been deleted because i felt like it. -

2007-12-03T12:54:00.000+08:00

20 days have come and gone. Without realising it, it's common test week next week. Pffft. Please tell me again why product design students have to take up electrical engineering and mathematics.. Seriously, how helpful can those modules be for us?

Ok, time for major summary. Just the main points.

21st November, Wednesday
Performed my song for monthly performance. I must admit, the song preparation process actually turned out far better then i had expected. True, it was far from perfect, but it had exceeded my original concept for my song. Just goes to show how bad i am at melodying and arranging. Although actual performance had minor hiccups here and there, it was good enough for me. 1st song, so i wasn't expecting much. Very surprised with the comments for my lyrics though. Personally, i thought it was kind of cheesy cheesy, but who knew it would be ranked 4th for lyrics (ok.. given there were only 9 songs performed that night.. but still!).

Special thanks to Shao for bassing, Dixon for guitaring, (me for drumming >.>) and Zhiwei for melodying,arranging and of course, singing. He looked pretty bummed after singing my song though, but i felt it was done pretty well already. It's okay if you 'screw' (in his sense) my 1st song, there will be more songs to come. Count on it. Hopefully i can depend on you to sing them for me again. (x

Posted both lyrics and song recording after much deliberation. Was obviously concerned about the whole copyright thingy, but what are the odds right? Besides, i don't think my lyrics are that good that people would want to steal them. Yeap, i thought too highly of myself perhaps. Anyhow, the lyrics and recording is at the bottom of my profile page. Expect more compositions there in future. Hopefully i can be more then a drummer in SCC. Being an english lyricist gives me something to fall back on when i fail miserably as a drummer.

28th November, Wednesday
Once again, monthly performance, but no songs to perform this time. Well, i actually did have a song to perform with Johnny, but he decided that he wasn't ready at the last minute, so the song wasn't sent in. However i did have 3 songs to perform for the concert auditions. 聆听，战神 and Still Friends. 聆听 was okay (though i heard it was worse then the 1st time it was performed, courtesy of moi), 战神 went pretty well, and Still Friends, well, it seemed that i overplayed my part for the song. Felt kind of shitty after Still Friends. Ironically, Still Friends was Zhiwei's 1st composition. Wanted to talk to him after that performance, but 战神 was right after, so i couldn't. By the time 战神 was done, i couldn't find Zhiwei anywhere. Totally felt so horrible. He was auditioning his 1st song, and i just had to spoil it. Nice one. >.>

30th November, Friday
Went to help out for SCC Booth performances at the student plaza. Alas, the drum wasn't carried down, so no random jamming. =/ Anyhows, Mandy actually dropped by the booth. Well, technically, he rushed all the way after booking out from camp. Apparently he wasnted to be there as early as he could. He actually 'impromptu-ly' performed 2 songs too. Sweet Surrender and Searching. SEARCHING!! Why no drumset ~.~

Packed up the booth at around 6 pm-ish. Everyone like, left there and then, leaving Ivy and Xinghu for guitar course, Mandy and me in the clubhouse and Ziqin to look after us (o..kay.. sounds abit off..). Rare jamming scene in clubhouse. Mandy and I jammed a litle, but it was him on the drums and me playing the bass. Haha.. bass is pretty fun to play actually. Found out through jamming that my style of bassing was slightly punk-ish. After that, he helped to train my 'song feeling' by playing on the keyboard with me on the drums. I don't think i played quite right for the 1st 2 songs he played, though i managed to get the groove of the 3rd song. Then i realised it was because he was playing Touched By An Angel, a song which i played before for him. So yeah.. out of 3 points, i scored ½? Whoop-dee-doo

12.53 p.m.. Time for me to go. EM3B lecture. Wonderful wonderful time with mathematical equations involving things like differentiation, integration, exponentials and such. Oh boy, i can't wait!

Yeah right..

2007-11-13T22:54:00.004+08:00

Pffft. Was in such a rush to leave the clubhouse that i left my laptop charger there. Can't update much now. =/

Good news is that my song's melody is making progress thanks to zhiwei and andy.. whee~ n.n

1st song i have done for MP, hope it goes well.. if it even makes it in time.. MP is like a week away >.>

2007-11-12T12:30:00.000+08:00

Ah yes.. the dreaded Monday is upon us again. Weekends, oh weekends. Where forth art thou weekends? Thou hath past too quickly.

Ok, enough of the medieval talk. Rainy weather today. Cold and wet. Wished i could stay in bed all day. Thought i could, then i realised it was monday. I guess that's what you call wishful thinking. Figures.

Overcame by this weird sense of enlightenment on the bus. Seriously weird even in my view. I was just standing there listening to the music playing on my handphone. You know when one song ends, there is this short period of silence before the next songs plays right. Well, at the exact moment, i heard a man say, in a annoyed tone might i add," Must let people sit right?" He was of course, referring to another passenger who had placed a pile of newspaper on the sit next to him.

The whole situation was rather amusing to me. The words," Must let people sit right" kept going round and round my head, for what reasons, i haven't a clue. Ok, this is going to sound weird. As the words was going round my head, one of the words changed by themselves, and it became," Must let people go right".

Must let people go right.

Must let people go right.

Must let people go right.

Like a broken record, those 5 words were repeating themselves. I was wondering, what was my mind up to, when i came to the realisation that, people can be replaced with another word. Her.

"Must let her go right."

I have no idea how to describe how i felt when it hit me. It's like.. like a kid who just solved his first trigonometry question.

I should let her go? How much? Totally? Partially? How am i to let go? I will feel more at ease with myself.. if i do?

I'll just take one step.. and see how it goes..

2007-11-11T16:54:00.000+08:00

Damn.. i never knew i could be this lazy. Zero updates for 6 days straight. Sheesh..

Continuing from where i left off the last entry..which was monday afternoon. Right.. after EM3B lecture, i went by the clubhouse as usual. Strangely though, there was no one around. I thought they could maybe be setting up the booth and stuff, so i headed to the atrium.

Fate has a funny way of working sometimes.

As i neared the atrium, i realised there was someone i knew walking towards my direction. Even though my memory bank had made a positive ID of the person in front of me, my brain could not register it as possible. She was truly the last person i expected to bump into around school. Now.. why would i think that.. she is ,after all, still a student of NP, so the odds of me seeing her around in school, no matter how astronomical, was still likely. I guess, i just didn't realised the odds would work in my favour that day.

We talked for awhile, like maybe 2 minutes? She was heading home, and asked if i was going for another lesson. I told her i was checking too see if anyone had set the booth for SCC ticket selling yet. As we were talking, i noticed she was in a good mood, smiling away as we talked. To see her smile, i was really glad for her. I really hope that her happiness will last, and for her to smile always.

you look so beautiful when you smile.

Tuesday. Was a little late for French class... again. Had to do 26 push-ups. I swear, by the time i'm done with French at the end of the semester, i would have done enough push-ups to develop my arm muscles. Had a written test today. Scored 13/20. I guess it was good enough that i passed, but i knew if not for the small mistakes here and there, i would have gotten at least 15 instead.

Went down to clubhouse after class. Steve was already there, disturbing ziqin as she tried to nap. He was like complaining about his stomach cramping yet ziqin didn't want to.. err.. do a 'check-up' on him. In which ziqin replied, and i quote,

"If i touch you, you will say that i'm horny."

That seriously deserved a big L-O-L. I left them to their hanky-panky as i went through the score of 'Moonlight Sonata'. I had printed them out, so it was easier for me to read and 'translate' the keys myself instead of always relying on jiayi or steve. The 2 new bars i'm learning is kind of tricky to get. I was thinking of typing it here, but i don't even know how i should go about doing it. So yeah.. forget it.. me still needs plenty practice.

Shannon came by the clubhouse too, followed by sean, and the 2 music maesters began to jam. Shannon, as usual, was playing with godly skills on the drums while sean was being godly himself on the bass, and the electric guitar. I sort of picked up a new beat from shannon, but as always,i have no idea what genre it is. I did ask shannon where i should go if i really wanted to pick up learning the drums. He introduced to me a place called 'School of Music Clef' (i think..), located at Suntec City... as long as i had a budget of around $500 for a 3 months course. Now i have another reason to get a part-time, but how am i to get one? The concept of getting a job is quite alien to me.. >.> *sighs*

Wednesday.

As yes.. wednesday. 2 words.
Bad day.
or maybe 'emo' day...? =/

Thursday. Happy Deepavali!
Personally, it was happy sleeping day for me. A day to catch up on all the restless nights.

Friday. Celebrated jiayi's birthday in the clubhouse. Simple one though. Small cake. Small amount of people. Small.. erm.. presents? Right... anyway, i was the photographer for the event. Been awhile since i took pictures for anyone. I must say, my photography skills has declined alot. Sorry for the blurry pictures jiayi and chien wen. After lots of solo shots, group shots and random shots, i felt that the clubhouse was.. too lively for me. Everyone was doing something. Jamming, cake-eating, talking, hamster staring, homeworking and stuff. I just felt that i needed to be alone, so i went outside by myself. It was quiet once i was outside, and there was a gentle breeze blowing. The atmosphere was so peaceful and serene, exactly what i needed. Although my choice of location needs careful consideration. I was 'discovered' by huihui, huiyi, ken and fun there. Looks like i need to change my little hiding corner to someplace else..

Went back to the clubhouse at around 7.30 in the evening to practice the 6/8 beat of Larry's song. My ghost note and accenting is not very obvious. Really need to improve on it. Also, his song's signature changes from 6/8 to 4/4 twice. Now that needs even more work. Gonna take every chance i have to practice in the clubhouse. It's not just for Larry's song, if i ever want to improve on my drumming, i have to keep jamming and jamming... and jamming. It won't be easy, not nothing in life ever is. I don't want to give up something i want to do. This is my dream, and i'm going to pursue it to the end, no matter what.

Oh yeah.. steve asked me to perform his song, 战神, for the concert audition. Generally speaking, 战神 is a rock song, and i have said before that rock is something that i can play, so i'm going to play my best for steve.

But.. what happens if it makes it to the concert?

当你走的时候，
回头说一声：“别想我。”
虽然你我知你在开个玩笑，
但是我的心里在想：
“那是不可能的，
因为在我心里,
随时都在想着你"

2007-11-05T12:55:00.000+08:00

As per every monday afternoons, i'm now at the school library. Somebody else was at my usual sit though, so had to shift 1 row down. My new sit doesn't face a clock on a pillar like where i used to sit. =/

Woke up in the morning an hour later then planned. I still had time to prepare, but i wanted more time so i don't have to rush as much. Oh well, i'm already used to things not going my way. I was already done bathing and had just worn my pants when i felt this cramp in my stomach. The pain slowly intensified and it got so unbearable. By then, i already knew what was happening. Must be something i ate last night not agreeing with my stomach. I had to like crawl to the toilet and carry on the business. It was a long 15 minutes in there. The cramps and pains were unbelievable. If guys had periods, that was probably how it would feel like. Maybe even worse. It was so bad i almost didn't make it out to school.

By the time i was done preparing and reached the main road, it was already 7.30 a.m., no thanks to my stomach. Half an hour between 2 bus journeys, not inclusive of waiting time? I don't think so. No choice, had to take a cab. Peak period just started too. Whoop-dee-doo. Bus driver was cranky, and i mean cranky. Ran into traffic jams on the way to PIE. I was like, yea kind of expecting it, so it didn't bothered me much. Couldn't say the same to the cabbie though. He was like grumbling and complaining and whining and whining and on and on and on. Kind of pissed me off. If you don't want to deal with morning jams, then i would suggest for you to kindly refrain from driving your cab in the morning. I'm sure that will be real helpful. Seriously. Pffft.

Lab with the P2's wasn't that bad, granted Boonliang and Dailou was there with me. Apparently they were absent from last week's practical, so they had to fill in with the P2's today. Lucky me. Though i'm pretty certain that i would have to enter the lab without seeing anyone i know the next time i step through those lab doors.

ETE lecture was right after lab. There was presentations and a little of teaching. Presentation wise, i was supposed to group with some guys from P2. Last week one of them told me he would inform me again when they knew what they were going to do for the presentaion, and today they presented their work without me. Nicely done. Teaching wise, i couldn't make head or tail what the spectacled guy in the collared shirt was talking about. Figures, missing out on that 1 tutorial last week to for some last minute practice for Monthly Performance cost me. I thought i was already falling behind from the class a little. Now i'm positively sure. Looks like this is going to be a long semester for me. Heck of a long one.

12:53 p.m.. EM3B lecture coming up at 1:00 p.m.. Still holding on to the hope of bus serives within Ngee Ann. A guy can wish, can't he? Gotta scoot, shall rant more later. Hopefully.

Achieve your happiness.

2007-11-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

Went by the clubhouse today. I don't know why i went there, especially since i didn't really have the mood to go since last night's happenings, but the fact was that i did drop by. If i hadn't, i wouldn't have met huijia there.

I was so surprised when i saw here came up the stairs, having no idea that she would actually come back to NP. She had been very busy ever since her attachment started, and i haven't seen her in a long time, the last being her birthday, which was around one to two months ago. Turns out that she was there for a main commitee meeting, an important one at that, so she couldn't miss it.

Anyway, i waited for her till the meeting was over, which was around 8-ish. Went by KAP for her to buy Mcdonald's for dinner before taking the bus back together. On the bus, she talked about her stuffs, sort of like an update of what has happened thus far.

I was glad that i got to meet huijia today, there was so much that i wanted to say, to get off my chest, but when she asked about me, i didn't so much at all. I don't know why i did not relate what i was facing to her. Obviously there was alot of stuffs going on, but i didn't understand why i had not opened up to her. I kept telling myself to talk to somebody soon, but when i met the only person whom i could share my problems with, i just clamped. Perhaps i wasn't ready.. when will i be i wonder..

when will i ever stop feeling sorry for myself.

2007-10-31T23:04:00.000+08:00

Warning: The following post contains graphic depictions of heavy 'emo-ing'. Readers who have a dislike for 'emo-ers' may choose to switch their current website. Not for the faint of hearted. Viewer discretion is advised.

Rated: M18

I told myself that i wouldn't cry again. I broke that promise today.

Some Halloween this turned out to be.

Performed 3 songs for Monthly Performance today. The other 2 instrumentals? Managed to convince Larry that i need more practicing. I guess, that was the only good thing that happened today.

Last minute practices went well in the clubhouse. Skipped ETE tutorial just to be there. Later on in LT73, i went through the song order and discovered the first of a serious of events which would send me spiraling down into the dark void.. again. Going through the order of the songs to be performed, i found that my song was the 8th one.. and the 9th.. and the 10th. Perfect no? The 3 songs belonged to the same genre, so playing style being the same would be inevitable. It wasn't bad enough that i would play the same type of beat for the 3 songs tonight, so now i was to play them one after another. Great! Now there would absolutely be ZERO chances that i won't be noticed playing the same thing over and over and over. Cheers! =D

When it got down to playing, it went ok.. until the last song, which was written by weibin, keyboard played by angeline and sung by chien wen. I simply don't know what came over me. After the 1st chorus, what i was playing was different from what we praticed before. AND, instead of stopping at a certain point in the middle of the 2nd chorus, i went on with a ridiculously long fill-in that spanned for, i don't know, 1 bar? Seriously, WHAT WAS I THINKING? No clue. Not. At. All.

I felt so terrible after the playing the 3 songs. I had to go to the toilet to wash up after my last song. What is wrong with me? I just don't understand why i can never do things right. People entrusts me with the role of playing the drums for their songs, and what do i do? Screw their songs up all over. Nice going.

Weibin told me that he liked how the song was performed, angeline said it was okay that i had forgotten about the last part 'cause my timing was still there. I don't know what to think. I didn't agree with weibin that his song was done well, and so what if i had kept the timing? The long fill-in probably killed the song 'cause it didn't feel right to me. Wait, that can't be right.. 'cause.. i don't know how to feel the mood of the songs anyway. Everytime i hear a song, i don't know what is the correct way to play it. I have to depend on Mandy to translate the songs feel for me.

After SCC was over and done with, everyone who wasn't part of ending the day was waiting at the area just outside the toilets as usual. I noticed tht she was sitting all alone at the other side. I was about to walked over when i stopped myself. I remember the promise that i made to her. We were to go on as normal friends, and that i wouldn't make any moves that might make her feel i'm trying to get close to her again.

I was so torn up inside. I know very well that if she was still unaware of my feelings for her, i could walk over without a doubt and talked to her, accompanied her so she wouldn't be alone, because that's what friends do. But the reality is she does know my feelings for her. I was so afraid that if i did go over, she might misinterpret as me trying to get her to like me. No one would understand how i felt at that very point. One side of me wanted to get over to her side, to make her smile, laugh, and be happy. The other side was pulling me away, telling me to back off, to prevent the possibility of us not being friends at all, and that side won.

If i could, i would exchange a lifetime of my happiness for a moment of her sadness, but i can't. Why?
The distance between us, is just too great.. The more i want to help, the more i find myself stepping back.

Have you ever had this strong desire to give happiness to that special someone, but found out that you can never do a thing about it? Ever wondered how that would feel?

Don't even go there, you wouldn't want to know that feeling eating you from the insides.

I don't know how i kept smiling in front of everyone. I just did it, but it was getting harder with every passing minute. I know i had to leave soon, before i give in to myself. So i went to take-away a cup of iced milo and said my goodbyes to everyone when they had just started to get settled in their sits. I quickly left KAP and boarded the bus, homeward bound. All of a sudden, i just thought about the comments which some people had written down in the song's score sheet. How can i not? They had been stuck in my head ever since i read them while everyone was heading to KAP earlier on. Most of the comments were left blank. When i finally did find the comments for the songs i performed for, i wished i never did.

Some of the comments went like, "drums and keyboard were playing their own thing", "play the drums, don't tickle them", and of course, the best comment," drums were played wrongly (for the song)". So yeah.. those comments confirmed what was nagging me from the time i performed finished the 3 songs.

It really got me thinking. Should i have ever picked my learning the drums at all? The decision i made nearly a year ago, was it the right move? The worst drummer i have ever met faces me everytime i stand in frobt of a mirror. Look at where it's got me so far. I still can't feel a song and how i should go about playing it. Songs which i massacred, be it rehearsing or performing. The negative comments i've recieved ever since i started. With so much duds, how can i go on drumming? How indeed..

I wish that i can stop performing for awhile, but i know i have at least 2 more performances to go, which is for Larry. From the looks of things, i won't have to worry about people approaching me to play for their songs 'cause they pretty much havce seen how i can kill their song from the Monthly Performance. And to think i told Mandy that i'm probably better off playing the pop-rock or rock genre. It doesn't matter anymore. Whatever i play, it's gonna be terrible. Period.

With so much weighing on my mind, and also the contributing factor of the songs which i have carefully chosen to listen to, it's no wonder that i cracked. It feels so silly, to cry on the bus alone, but i can't help it, can i? I just feel so useless. I have no role anywhere. Be it in SCC, in school, at home, or even my existence on planet Earth.

I don't compose lyrics nor melody. I can't sing to save my life. I get bad grades. I'm a social outcast. I don't help in the family business. I'm a lost cause at relationships. Never even had a handful of true friends.

The very passion of my life, which is to drum, is something that i will never be good at.

Nothing to live for. Nothing to die for.

What becomes of me now?

-End of 'emo'-

2007-10-29T12:08:00.000+08:00

Absence of 4 days, back to rant again

Thursday? Nothing significant happened.

Friday? Definitely.

Ever been at the right place at the wrong time? I sure was on Friday. Same routine of going down to clubhouse to slack or jam. Gary was there rehearsing a song with cynthia, but it sounded different from the one i heard the other day, so i assumed he was performing to songs for the upcoming Monthly Performance. They were reheasing halfway when out of nowhere, cynthia goes,

"Hey gary, i think can add drums to the song."

In which gary replied," Drums? But where got drummer?"

Cynthia promptly pointed at me, "There!"

I was like..uh hello? I'm just quietly playing the bass to myself, and i got pulled in to do a song without warning. Asking me to play the drums 4 days before the actual performance is like.. what the..? I was already doing huihui and angeline/chien wen's song for MP. I guess a 3rd song wouldn't kill. They were the same type of song genre too, with around the same feel, so shouldn't be too difficult on me. I wasnted Zhiwei to play for gary instead.

Firstly, he would have a chance to practice more styles on the drums.
Secondly, he will have more exposure as a drummer by performing in MP.

At first, he had agreed to play for gary. When i told him the double bass would provide a better feel for gary's song, he tried to practice double bassing but had little luck. Eventually he threw the song back to me. I was fine with that, even though i hoped that Zhiwei would play for gary instead. He needs to build his confidence level when playing the drums.

After awhile, Larry dropped by the clubhouse, came to me and asked," Can you play the 6/8 timing on the drums?"

I was like.. not exactly my forte, but i could try. He told me that his playing 2 instrumental pieces for the upcoming MP, and one of them has the 6/8 time signiture for the beginning, AND he wants me to play the drums for both.

By then, it was seriously what the ~~fuck~~already.

I'm performing for huihui's song.
I'm performing for Angeline's song (yet to be practiced).
I'm performing for Gary's song (again, yet to be practiced).
And now, Larry drops me with 2 of his instrumentals.

(3 songs+2 instrumentals)/ 1 night

You do the math.

Dudes. I don't mind playing the drums for your songs. But could you please have the decency to, at the very least, ask me at least 1, best if 2, weeks before the Monthly Performance? I'm flattered that you would come to me, asking me to play drums for your song. I would be more then happy to do so. But please, do inform me days in advance to we can allocate enough time to do reheasals. I'm not as godly as Edmund, Shannon or Mandy where they can here the melody once and play together the second time, or better still, play the beat while listening to the song for the 1st time. I don't play very well unless i have tons of practice. And i can screw up even on stage too.

From my point of view, 5 songs = 5 times the chances of screwing up.

sighs.

Perhaps my 'drop-by-at-clubhouse' routine needs reconsideration..

Saturday? Boring.

Stayed at home. Played Nintendo DS all day.

Pokemon Blue Mystery Dungeon achieved Lucario rank, Charizard attained max IQ. Recruited Zapdos, Moltres, Articuno (3rd try..), Lugia, Ho-oh and Deoxys(4th, 5th?) n_n

Sunday? Boring½

Though i did finally get a fan for my room. It's standing, and best of all.. it comes with a REMOTE! 屋阿哈哈哈哈哈哈哈~~

Monday? That's today, but the day ain't over yet. Currently i'm holed up in my school library listening to Larry's instrumental piece repeat, hoping it will stick to my head so that i can practice better with him later.

Earlier this morning, i went to find one of my module leaders to ask about my ETE module. For that particuler module, i had to swop over with the next class, 2P02. The lectures and tutorials were no problem 'cause P1 and P2 were in the same class anyway, so there was no noticable difference. However, it was hard not to notice the difference in the lab schedule. P1 had their ETE lab session on ODD weeks. P2, which was the class i was stuck in, had their lab on the EVEN weeks. Pffft. When i ask richard, the module leader, why, he said it was possible that me failing of one of my modules last semester (psst psst.. PFA) caused this to happened. I was like.. uh.. ok.. Nothing for me to say anyway. So now i have to attend lab with the P2s. It's sure gonna be an experience and a half. Gonna be damn awkward for me.

Time Check: 12.51 p.m.

Next class is EM3B, at 1 p.m.. That probably means i have to scoot. Lesson is way over at Block 50. Sheesh. They should really implement the school bus service like NUS does. Even though NP is not overly huge like NUS, they should really spare a thought for lazy ass-es like me. Go figure. =/

Rant more tonight.

2007-10-24T23:52:00.000+08:00

Today's SCC activity was to compose an English upbeat song. It was supposed to be over and done with 3 weeks ago, but 3 weeks ago, there were enough people to fill just 1 row of sits in the lecture hall. No surprised that it wasn't carried out then, so it was brought forward to this week. My group came up with some good lyrics, but as usual i pretty much killed their song. To make matters worse, I was the only instrumentalist in that group. There was no guitarist nor keyboardist. There was a bassist, but he felt that he couldn't do the song. Perfect huh.. So yeah.. all i know is that i played like rubbish for my group's song. Definitely my worst performance ever.. don't see how i can live it down.

After the activity, i carried the floor tom back up to the clubhouse. There, Chien Wen said she wanted to practice more on the drums, so she sort of 'booked' me on Friday at 3 p.m. after looking at my timetable. Huiyi, who also had been studying my timetable, suddenly said she could make it tomorrow at 4 p.m...

I was like.."Uh.. you want to learn drums uh?"

I think she went "ya."

=/ Okay.. suddenly there is another person who wants to learn drums from me. It's not like i'm a very skilled drummer. I don't think that at all. There is really a long long way for me to go, but i don't mind teaching what little i know, as long as whoever i'm teaching doesn't mind that i won't be able to teach much.

The fact that you willingly spoke to me again lets me know that we can still be friends, but..

Should i be happy that we're still friends?
Or should i be sad, 'cause that's all we'll ever be..

2007-10-23T23:04:00.000+08:00

"We learn new things everyday."

That's like amazingly true.. haha. Decided to try the "drop-by-the-clubhouse" routine today. Well, i was supposed to go there anyway to practice Huihui's song for the upcoming Monthly Performance. The thing is that practice starts at 4 p.m., and my French class ends at 12 p.m.. Bummer..

Well, it did gave me time to practice 'Moonlight Sonata' on the keyboard. Don't misunderstand, I do not fully know how to read a musical score, especially a classical one like that. I just asked my friends to read it for me and i would write down the keys to press on a notebook. This makes playing easier for me. Kinda cheating if you asked me.. haha. Anyways, i could play the beginning part of the song pretty smooth now without pausing too much to find the next chords to play. Now i need to wait until the i get the chance to translate the next part of the piece.

Oh, about the "learning new stuffs everyday" thingy, thats wasn't it. This is it. Gary was practicing his song after Huihui was done with hers. I have no idea why, but i had asked Steve, the person re-arranging Gary's song melody, for the new chords to Gary's song (which, i had to manually find the right chords 'cause Steve was playing the song after he transposed the keys done by 2). After that, for the second time of not knowing why, i picked up the bass and played the chords. Of course, it wasn't that smooth as i wasn't sure how to change from chord to chord, and i had to stop every now and then to ask Maxwell where to press what for the chord, but i did managed to get the hang of it. Hopefully i'll get better along the way.. lolzers

Bassist wannabe.. (x

2007-10-22T23:20:00.000+08:00

Went to the clubhouse today for no apparent reason, just wanted some place to slack around. Greggory was there with Xiaoqiang practicing Ziyin's song. Since the drumset was still on loan to the Concert Band, i played the drum on the keyboard instead, just for kicks.

Sean came by a little later with his friend. He took the bass, his friend picked up the guitar and we just jammed with me on the "drums".. it was fun jamming with Sean. His musical level, if there ever was such a thing, is like.. godlike.. He's a bassist by nature, but he can also play the guitar and drums. I'm not surprised if he could play the keyboard too given time. He's like, the Jack of all trades, and master of all. That's totally insane.. lolzers..

In the midst of jamming, i learned a new beat befitting the rock genre for the drums. Just gotta practice it when the actual drumset returns.. It was cool that i got to jam with Sean. It's not everyday that happens. Usually the people jamming with him are other more experienced instrumentalists like Shannon on the drums and Edmund with the bass. To think he's the same age as me.. mind boggling i tell you..

Looks like it was a decision well made to drop by at the clubhouse. Maybe i should do it more often..

2007-10-19T01:45:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjA5faZF1A8

Absolutely cool video. A must watch if you're a guitarist, guitarist aspirant, someone who's into classicals, or just anyone else not fitting those catagories. Just GO watch!

Canon in D? Try Canon in ROCK!!

2007-10-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

Only 2 modules today.. CADD 2 and EM3B tutorial. You know, when i looked through my timetable, i thought that.. it looked pretty.. what's the word.. slackish? It's like, i have only 5 modules, and 2 of them is non-examinable. Maybe it's because i don't have a module that depends heavily on project based assessment, namely EUCD. Well, didn't have that 'cos i failed PFA last semaster remember? As for all things in life, there are definately plus and minuses..

CADD 2 was scary. I realised that i threw everything i learned back in CADD 1 back to Mr Phillip. I have like forgotten how to use ProE. I've even forgotten how to extrude a rectangular box.. and to think i got an A for CADD 1. Looks like i have to practise more here..

EM3B? True.. it might only be a tutorial, but it was still bad. Couldn't start doing those integrals until i checked with Alan. As if not doing fantastically well for EG2 wasn't bad enough, EM3B practically revolves around EG2. Damn. I hate engineering maths. I love maths. I just hate engineering maths. Did you know that engineering maths is expanding from secondary level's A maths? Whoop-dee-doo.

Went to the clubhouse after my tutorial. Jayson finally got back the drumset from the Concert Band! Got to jam a little with Zhiwei. Feels good to play the drums again. Obviously i suffered from post-drums withdrawal symptoms. Played this funky beat, extracting from Kaiser Ruby's 'Ruby', with double bass ending each 4/4 bar. I could bass it, just not consistent with the timing. Double bass gets me everytime.. Zhiwei managed to get the feel of the beat with the guitar. It wasn't there, but it was very close. I think he is my only jamming bud.. no one else jams with me.. probably 'cause i suck too much.. lolzers..

Shopping list of the week!
1. Nice, warm jacket (preferbly those woolly kinds with a hood and pockets in front).
2. Pencil case!
3. New pair of drum sticks.
4. Drum sticks carrier bag?
5. Drumming practice pad (damn it costs like $40 bucks).
6. Sling bag!
7. New shirt?

Gonna meet up with Henghui and clear a few items this Saturday. Maybe i'll hit Plaza Singapura, my usual haunt. Or maybe i'll go to Bugis instead. Or maybe i'll just go both places.

2007-10-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

what happens when the place you thought could make you happy has a reason for you to be sad as well..? Where else can you go then?

Just seeing her makes me drained emotionally..

2007-10-16T23:24:00.000+08:00

Bonjour!

Je m'appelle Raymond!

That's French for "Hello/Hi! I'm Raymond!" Yea i know, Raymond is obviously not my name. My French lecturer, professeur Angelo, told my class that we had to have a French name. Some of the people's names in my class already had French origins, so they could keep it. For the rest of us, me included of course as my name is so from England, we had to choose from a list of names he wrote on the board. There were some fancy names like Xavier and Isidore, but i didn't dared choose them. Wished i had now though, they certainly sound cooler then Raymond. Oh well, let's just leave things as it is.

I was late for my class this morning though. My lesson starts at 8.00 in the morning. Somehow, i have no idea why, i set my alarm to go off at 7.30 a.m., which was like "huh..?" So i had to rush around preparing my stuffs and get a cab to school. In the end, i was late for 30 minutes. You won't believe what he told me, even i couldn't believe it at first. As i was late for 30 minutes, i had to do 30 push-ups.. like right in front of the class. I was hoping he was joking 'cause the most i can do in one shot was 20. Unfortunately, he was dead serious, so down to the floor i went. He did, however, stop me at 15, saving me from the struggle to do the full 30 push-ups.

For the remaining day, the lesson went on well. Loads of laughs from the class too. From the looks of things, i might find this module to be quite an experience. I hardly noticed the 4 hours fly by too.

After class had ended at 12 a.m., didn't really had anywhere to go. It was still early, so there probably won't be anyone who had unlocked the clubhouse door. No arcading mood. No particular interest to go anywhere, so i just decided to go home and maybe catch a few Zs.

Oh yea.. One Piece episode 326 came out today! Though it just marked the start of a new Arc, it was still a pretty good episode. As always, can't wait for the next episode to be released, though the feeling is kind of, sort of wierd. 'Cause all these time i have been watching One Piece like, in a continuous flow, without having to wait for a week for the next episode. Now, after i have caught up to the anime current episode, i have to wait for the next one to be released instead of just clicking "Next". Waiting time totally kills. At least i can watch other animes instead, like Gundam Seed maybe..?

2007-10-15T12:15:00.000+08:00

In school now.. and blogging.. so.. yeah. mood lighten up a little.. for the better..? i don't think my sense of better shares the same sentiment as yours.. so yeah..

Anyways, i just found out that liyana is in my French class tomorrow. That was the last person i'd expect to see in my French class.. or rather.. that was the last person i'd expect to take up French.

Currently, i'm having my lunch now at the atrium. Nothing fancy, just some packed noodles from the Canteen 1 drink stall. Guess i don't really have the appetite to look for food. Eating alone 'cause i don't really feel like mixing around with my class. I was never close to them in the first place, and now, i'm also not able to sit one of the modules with them as i failed another module in my last semester. I also didn't talk to any classmates at all before and during the lesson. I had came in a little early before the classroom door was locked, so i had to wait outside. The guys from my class came shortly soon after. One of them commented whether i was trying to be like Iori Yagami due to my pose and my hairstyle. I was like.. 'huh..?' 'cos i was just leaning against the pillar, and my fringed was waxed over to sort of cover my right eye. Well.. at least i managed to clear the "Get a new outer appearance".

I still can't get over the fact about her impression on me. It's really eating me up.. but i guess there's really nothing i can do. If she hates me then.. she just hates me. I won't really do anything to change her opinion on me. That's her decision, not mine. If i remain on her hate list then.. sucks to be me i guess.. it's not as if my life can get any worse then it already is..

some things are just not meant to be..

2007-10-15T06:13:00.000+08:00

5:50 AM

i never knew that i could leave such a negative impression on people..so this was what you thought of me? if so, i really have no idea what to say. when you cried, i was there for you. when you thought your friends were taken from you, i told you i was still there. when you had any problems, i would listen to them if you told me, and shared my thoughts with you. but.. i never thought that you would feel this way about me.

my concern for you was genuine, but you couldn't care less, could you?

to you, i'm just a detestable kid. someone not worth mentioning, not worth the care. perhaps even someone who's very existence doesn't concern you. you probably won't know the tears i've shed. ignorance is indeed bliss.

did you really mean it when you implied we could still be friends? doubt it..

please excuse me then, i'll stay out of your way for your pleasure. i'll try my best not to be a burden to you. if you see me less, you'll probably forget me faster. that should help you feel better.

i'm sorry for what i've said and done.
i'm sorry for being friends with you.
i'm sorry for wanting to know you better.
i'm sorry for trying to help.
i'm sorry for ever liking you in the first place.

don't forgive me. it will just make me feel worse.

i thought i was ok.. now i know im far from it. i wished i never came to be.

2007-10-14T23:01:00.000+08:00

Missed out on blogging yesterday evening. That's because i spent my whole saturday finding another suitable skin for my blog. Thought it was time for a change since i've started blogging again. My blog's skin is not the only thing i've changed. My background midi was also giving problems at times. When it was happy, it would automatically play when one enters my blog. When it doesn't feel like it, it won't start at all. Period. End up i had to remove it and change to my imeem playlist. Pity though, 'cos i preferred to play midis instead of the songs' full version in my blog. Also, 千年之恋's midi quite fitted my blog, but i don't think the actual song would be appropriate for my blog. It took me quite some time for me to get my playlist to work proper in my blog. Sometime's it would have the same problem of not playing too. But i found a solution by chance. When i went to another person's blog who also uses the imeem player (which, coincidentally was not auto-playing), i played his imeem player and went back to my blog again. Presto! The playlist would start playing. Hopefully it's my laptop screwing up instead of the codes. I wouldn't want you readers to trouble yourself too much to the extent of not being able to enjoy my blog. So.. yea.

Anyways, by the time i was done with my blog, it was already late at night (or early in the morning, depending how you look at it). Needless to say i plopped myself on thy bed and fell asleep. Can say that i'm pretty satisfied with how my blog is right now. Though it's missing a few blog knick-knacks which other bloggers would decorate their blogs with, it's still looks good to me, and that's what counts. I think.

Went to Chinatown today. Had the intention of going to CK for some snack shopping, but it slipped my mind. There goes my late night cookie munchies.. Oh yeah! I saw this cool sign pasted on the wall on this chinese snack store. It went,

说了又不听
听了又不懂
不懂又不问
问了又不做
做了又做错
做错又不认
认了又不服
不服有不说

Sugoiii (That's Japanese for cool)!!! It was so cool that i had to memorise it and use it as my MSN nick.

Dinner was at a coffeeshop near my house where they sold those 煮炒 stuffs. Met up with my mother there, who just returned form Thailand earlier that day. Was surprised that she would buy me a pink, yes pink, Polo T-shirt. I kind of expected her to buy some shirt for her. I sure didn't see pink coming. It's not that i don't wear pink and all. pink is fine. In fact i have another pink Polo T-shirt in my closet. I just don't get why my mother would buy pink for me. pinksified.

Went for the toilet straight when i went home. Held my tide for quite some time. When i came entered my room and started using my laptop, i suddenly had this desire to get my friend to blog again. Don't know why. This weird feeling just came over me. Funny. Anyway, he didn't put much of a fight. he just did whatever i said as i guided him to raise his blog from the grave (a literal pun once you visit his blog). Wished he would resist more though. Even though it probably wouldn't stop me from convincing him, at least i'd have more fun in the process. Visit his blog! He's a really funny guy, that's why he's my bestie. LOL. yeah.. anyway his registered under 'Heng Hui' in my link section. So.. yeah.. Haha

Been doing a lot of thinking lately, about the things i do. Take for instance the recent chalet i organised for some SCC people. Why do i do things for others? I didn't even thought about that before, until someone asked me that question on the first night of the chalet. So.. why do i do things for others? For the rest of that night, i was faced with that question, a question in which i have no answer. Something did came to my mind though, and that was to let members of SCC to get together and know each other better. You know, build up rapport with each other, even between seniors and juniors. A so-called 'bonding session'. But, i can't help but feel that it might only be a cover. Perhaps there is a deeper reason behind my actions. Or maybe i'm just thinking too much into it.

It's not just this chalet. Sometimes, when i see people alone, or upset, i will definately try to help in any way possible to make him/her feel better. If i know that someone has a problem, i will naturally talk to that person and help with some solutions if possible. If nothing comes to mind, then i'll just sit down there and listen. Few people know it but simply saying out your problems, worries and fears makes one feel better. All you need is a good listening ear. I don't choose to do it or not. I just.. do.

But now, i believe i may have the answer. The reason i always do what i can to make people feel better, to lift them from their sadness, to make them feel they are not alone, is because.. because i know exactly how it feels, and i do not wish for anyone to experience them. I know how it feels to be sad, to be hurt, to be lost, in despair, to be all alone.. It is a terrible feeling for anyone to have, and that's why i do what i do. That's what i feel anyway.

When i came to that realisation, another question came to mind.

As i try my best to help people, who will help me?

Who will make my day when i'm blue?
Who will lift the weight off my shoulders?
Who will make me feel that i'm not alone after all?

This time.. i have no answer..

2007-10-13T04:05:00.000+08:00

It's like 4 in the morning and i'm still awake. What's up with these sleeplessness.. I have to resolve my insomnia soon, schools starts in like 2 more days and i'll have big trouble if i don't reset my body alarm by then.

I'm feeling a little hungry too.. =/

2007-10-12T23:19:00.000+08:00

Unbelievable. If i didn't know any better, i would have thought i was hooked onto blogging. All day, i couldn't wait till it was after 10 p.m. to start blogging. I must really have not enough to do.

Did nothing much today. Woke up late again. MSNed with a few friends. Made late lunch (instant noodles). Watched anime as i ate. Continued watching anime through dinner. Blah blah blah blah blah, the usual boredoms.

Well, i did download 2 new games for my NDS lite. 'Spiderman - Friend or Foe' and 'One Piece - Gearspirit'. Spiderman was an okay/average game, but One Piece was another thing. Even though it was in Japanese, the gameplay was pretty straight forward, easy enough for me to get through the game. One Piece was exactly the type of game i was looking for. Besides the fact that it's like my favourite anime, it's also an action fighting game. Just like those video games you see more commonly on consoles such as the Playstations, XBoxes and even PSP. I feel that it's harder to search for these type of games for the NDS console as this particular hand-held console focuses their target group mainly of young children to young teens. Take a look at some of the games released for the NDS.

1. Pokemon 4th Gen Series
2. Pet simulation games
3. Puzzle Bubble
4. Spongebob Squarepants
5. Not to mention the many movie-to-game remakes

Besides, the NDS also has a stylus pen that can be used on the bottom touch screen, and overall, the appearance is pretty kiddy too.

So.. yeah. That's pretty much my impression of the NDS console. Why did i get it then? Well, i guess there really is a kid in everyone..?

2 days of isolation has passed, and i do feel a little better, just a little. As usual, i have to keep myself occupied constantly so as not to allow my mind to 胡思乱想. Perhaps i don't really have to find someone to talk to afterall. Maybe if i have enough time on my own, i'll be fine after all.

The question is.. for how long..?

2007-10-11T22:04:00.000+08:00

I can't believe its been more then 10 months since i last blogged. I guess laziness got the better of me. Its just that i thought there were better stuffs for me to do instead of blogging, such as watching videos or playing games. Also, i had thought that there was no point in keeping an online diary when it was readily accessible to the general public. Maybe i don't have to worry about that now, since, as stated, the last post was dated back in October 2006, there won't be any reason for past readers to read what i blog. Besides, there is nothing else for me to do.. except to blog.

Not surprisingly, a lot has happened for the past 10 months. Too much to remember in exact order, but in a rough chronological order:

Formed a band
Fell into depression
SCC Annual Concert IV
Fell into depression
Band disbanded
Fell into depression
Organised SCC Chalet I
Fell into depression
Started new semester, immediately assumed role of class outcast
Fell into depression
Registered for GCE 'O level paper, Additional Mathematics
Fell into depression
Being increasingly inactive for NCC activities, for both HQ and School
Fell into depression
Entertained thoughts of relinquishing my passion for drums
Fell into depression
Got new handphone, Sony Ericsson W580i
Fell into depression
Almost lost best friend
Fell into depression
Failed a core module, resulting in me having to repeat a year in Ngee Ann
Fell into depression
SCC Camp 2007
Fell into depression
Performed not up to expectations for Wei Ming's song for a Monthly Performance in the midst of Wei Ming, Maxwell and Edmund, with freshies, seniors and past alumnis abound.
Fell into depression
Asked to perform for a group of freshies
Fell into depression
Organised SCC Chalet II
Made a decision and took a chance
For the first time in years, i once again tasted my tears
Fell into depression

That's pretty much the summary. I know, i might have gotten too overboard with the whole 'Fell into depression' thing, it's like.. on and off. Of course, there were probably other stuffs that did happen unmentioned along the way (besides the depression thing), but there's too much to remember. Some life i'm living. Many people refer to me as an 'emo kid', i couldn't feel they were more wrong. It's not like i want to die or anything, it's just that my life has so many downs that it's getting really hard to live through it. Did you actually believe that all those times you guys saw me smiling and laughing, that it was for real? I just don't want you people to know about what i face through my life. That would be selfish of me. Everyone has their own problems already, why must i be so special as to share mine to others and expect them to handle it for me? No.. that would be wrong.

Sometimes i feel that, no one really understands me. Or maybe it's just that i don't allow myself to be understood. I always close myself to others before they know too much. However, i do share some of what i go through to one person, and that is Huijia. Why? I myself don't get it either. It could be that i share a certain affinity with her? I really do not know. Although i do share some stuff with her, there are still certain things that i did not tell her. If possible, i would try not to trouble her with my problems as i know she has her own too. But sometimes, like this instance, it gets so hard to suppress everything down inside me. I have to let it out somehow. If i don't talk to anyone, i don't know what will happen. I have no other person i can turn to for help, so thanks Huijia for being there for me when no one else was. You've certainly helped me to live on at times.

Moving on to the present..

When i had reached home after booking out from the chalet yesterday, i was so beat and emotionally drained that i did not realised i had set my alarm to 4.30 a.m. instead of 4.30 p.m. . Needless to say, i woke up too late to attend the SCC activity. Even if i had set the correct time, i might not have gone anyway as i was still seriously lethargic. When i woke up again at about 8.00 p.m., i took my dinner which my brother had bought for me and played some songs. Ok i give.. i specifically chosen to play what people would normally deem as 'emo' songs. I guess, i just wanted to listen to something befitting the mood. Somehow, i couldn't get to sleep that night, even though it was already past 1 in the morning. I figure there must be swirls of thoughts flooding my mind, keeping me awake. Eventually, i did fall asleep, and dreamt.. dreamt of.. a dreamless dream..

How can i still hold on to my sanity..

"Even though you couldn't accept me, i hope that this will, in no way, affect our friendship whatsoever. We could pretend that nothing has happened and just move on with our lives. It would pain me if things would not be the same that it was due to my foolish desire.

Although.. this won't change the fact that, i have true feelings for you. Rest assured, i won't make any moves that will cause us to not be friends in any way. I'm happy enough that i got to meet someone like you, and will only be able to like you from a distance."

"Sincerely, i wish for you to meet your perfect Capricorn soon. Someone to care for you and ensures happiness for your life everyday."

2006-11-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

Alright..I had almost forgotten to blog. I missed Saturday entry, but there was nothing interesting to blog about anyway. Not that any part of my insignificant life is interesting to blog about. Was at Ang Mo Kio all afternoon playing Drummania. Right on Time Ext still stuck on B. Monster Tree Ext lost it's S. At least I managed to get a S again for Kanariya Ext in Dark/Speed 4.0/Position Off Mode. Yes,with auto-bass, but I know someday I will be able to get S on Kanariya Ext without auto-bass. Someday perhaps..

Left for Harbour Front Center at about 5p.m.. Actually the sign just said Harbour Front. No 'Center' behind. Weird. Bought a wired optical mouse in the stationary store there. The mouse there are dirt cheap. Prices range from $13 to $50-$60. Got mine for $14. Liked its design. Has a retractable wire function too. Very nice. But of course, as all wired mouse goes, they tend to be less sensitive then wireless mouse. I wonder why. Being wired, you'd tend to be more sensitive since you're connected to the system itself. There's technology for you. Go figure.

Since I was in the neighbourhood, I figured I might as well stop by Vivocity. The rooftop was fantastic. It had a great view of the surroundings and around the center of the room was a wading pool. It wasn't like those common wading pools in which it covers a small area. This wading pool cover much of the rooftop. Right in the center of the roof was a bridge, and you can look down into the open spaces of level 2, where there was a playground for children to frolic in. Being typical of me, I went to check out the arcade at the rooftop. It was such a letdown. For such a huge shopping centre as Vivocity, it's arcade was relatively small. It has a small room to the side for people to play pool in. The arcade itself was cramped. It looked like all the games were just stuffed in the room if there was space for it. Very disappointing. They didn't even have any shooting games nor Drummania. If they did have them, I must have been totally blind to have miss them.

About the dreams, I can't remember what I had dreamt on last night, but I still remember Friday night's dream as it was rather... amusing. I dreamt that, don't laugh now, Pokemon existed in our world. Yes, you heard me, or rather, seen my text. I dreamt that we were living with Pokemon. Come to think of it, it seems rather silly to me too. Ok, extremely ridiculous. But like I said, it was just a dream. The contents are rather sketchy at the moment, but I do remember that I was very close to a Bulbasaur...

Well, I have nothing else to rant about. I guess I better get to bed as I still have school tomorrow, unlike Primary and Secondary students. Ahh, sometimes I do envy the ignorance of youths. Should have done more treasuring while I was young.

She has been gone for a day. Yea, it's only been a day but, wonder how is she doing..

2006-11-24T23:49:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I posted. Go to keep my promise of updating often, especially since she told me to blog more often..ahaa

Such a long time has passed from my last entry, I don't know where to begin. Well..maybe with my arcade accomplishments? Haha. I can finally spend 1 credit and pass all 4 songs without auto-bass! What an accomplishment. The extreme songs I can pass are Monster Tree, Right On Time (yay!), Sukanranbo, Sobakasu, and Libra. I can pass some other songs on advance too, but I want to work on the extreme grade.

School work..right. Cleared most of the "visible" work. now I need to go online and dig out any "invisible" work that needs to be done. Stuffs that lecturers know is important, but only mentioned once. Pffft. I don't want mysterious work to pile up on me before December as the dateline is roughly around there, I got plans too!!

Oh..speaking of December. *Ahem*

My CCA in Ngee Ann, Song Composing Club (SCC), is holding its annual concert. This year, the title of the concert is: 'KaleidoSound IV' with the theme: 'Joy De La Musique'. You will not hear any of your favourite songs like Tong Hua, Superwoman, etc... Instead, SCC will be performing original songs! Lyrics, melodies and arrangement are all created ourselves and there will be different genres performed like Rock, Pop and more! Also, there will be a performance by a mystery guest from Project Superstar top 24! Don't miss out!

What: KaleidoSound IV: Joy De La Musique
Venue: Ngee Ann Polytechnic, Convention Center.
Time: 19:00 - 22/23:00
Date: 30th December
Ticket Price: $6

If any of you are interested to attend this concert, do let me know about it. Trust me, it's going to worth the time and the $6 that you paid.

I have been having weird dreams this week. Mind you, what I am going to type out are dreams and only DREAMS. Not some lewt fantasy I came up with.

On the night of Sunday, I dreamt that I was with someone close. Because it was four days ago, I have forgotten the details. I just know that I am, or will be, with someone close to me.

On the night of Monday, I dreamt that I was in a room. The setting was very similar to SCC clubhouse. There was this girl sitting on the couch doing something, I was standing behind her. She then turned her head upwards and looked up me. I then bent over and kissed her, but we quickly drew back, as if we didn't want anyone to know.

On the night of Tuesday, I dreamt that I went to some carnival or amusement center. I met this girl just beyond the entrance. We went out seperate ways at first, but after I walked around and came back to the entrance, I met her again. I grabbed her hand and we ran. To where, I do not know. We just ran and ran and ran.

On the night of Wednesday, I dreamt that I was with this girl, and either her or me had done something illegal, so we were both running from the law together. This was the weirdest of all the dreams this week.

On the night of Thursday, I dreamt that I was in a forbidden relationship with a girl. We were together, but we couldn't let the girl's parents find out. This sort of corresponds with the dream on Sunday night.

Wonder what tonight brings. I know that dreams aren't real, that they are just a figment of our imagination. But aren't dreams and imagination basis of reality? What our imagine has stored, don't they come from the real world too? To create imaginary, we do need to base it on reality too. So are dreams a reminder of what I cannot hope to have? Or is it some sort of premonition. So many questions, none of them answered...

She messaged me today during my lesson. At first, I was very surprised that she would text to me me after so long. I thought that, she wouldn't contact me again. When I replied the first few messages, I don't know why, but I felt like crying. I almost did. I borrowed earphones from Ami and listened to some songs. Somehow, I managed to calm myself down and continued to text back and forth with her. When i casually asked about her boyfriend, she just said that they had broken up. She also told me she was sorry, but when I asked her why, she just said she felt that I was upset with her. I told her that I wasn't upset with her, but because of her. She did not ask me this but, if she had asked whether I still had feelings for her, I would have replied back a "yes" without hesitation, because I really do. In the end, I told her the address to my blog. Just like that. I never told anyone else about my blog before. The only thing I would say to them was, " You want to know my blog address? Spend some effort, work to find it.". She is the only person, I believe, who knows my blog address.

She is going over to Malaysia tomorrow, and wont be back till the 21st. Then she would be leaving for China the very next day. I really don't know what to make of this. I mean, in my mind, it registers that the messaged me the day before she is going to leave., but my brain cannot interpret the meaning of it. Hope she just takes care of herself, since China, as she said, currently is experiencing low temperatures. Remember not to take any alcohol too! You have not reach 18 yet young lady! Haha..

2006-10-26T20:13:00.000+08:00

I'm back! I'm back! After many months of absence..haha. Although I doubt that anyone is actually reading this..Heck! Let me do the posting anyway! Haha.. From now ons..I will promise to blog everyday (if applicable)! Yay!! Haha..

Today's class was alright. The CATS module seems a little weird to me. How so? Well, for one, the lecturer, to me, appears to be a half nut. Haha..sounds bad? Try sitting in one of my classes, then you will understand..haha.

After CATS was Sports and Wellness, in which I chose the sport Hip-hop. The instructer was from NRA, Ngee Ann's own street dancing club. I had thought of joining NRA during the CCA open house, but unfortunately, I couldn't find their booth anywhere. I do not know whether that's a blessing in disguise because after today's sessions, I can't feel my thighs at all..and today was suppose to be a normal routine, to see at what stage the class appears to be in. If I had joined NRA instead of SCC, I surely would have lost my legs by now..haha. I feel a little stiff while doing the moves too, hope I can get better at it for the next 9 weeks.

After school i went to Ang Mo Kio. First was to enquire why the 2nd hand k750i which I bought 2 days ago did not include a memory stick. My friend told me that by right, all shops should include the memory stick even if selling 2nd hand mobile phones. Turns out that not all shops do sell the full package, so i had to fork out another $60 for a 512mb memory stick. I think that the price was alright as my friend bought a 1gb memory stick for around $100... After getting the mmory stick, I went to the arcade in Jubilee since I was in the neighbourhood..haha. To play? What else but drummania! Haha.. It could be just me. but the hi-hat seems to be developing a slight problem. I failed 'Right on Time'[Extreme], 'Onihime'[Advance](as usual..) and 'Departure'[Advance w/o bass]. I really want to stop playing with auto-bass. Makes me look so amateur-ish when people watch me play. One consolation, though, was that I managed to clear 'Agnus Dei'[Advance]. Almost failed at the last part though..Got to keep trying!!

Went to check her profile a few moments ago. Turns out she has got a new boyfriend. I don't know how I should feel. The other time, she told me the reason she couldn't accept me was because she couldn't forget her ex-boyfriend. Yet, I found out now that she got a new boyfriend. I feel like I have been lied to, but I can't bring myself to hate her, because I can't. I don't. I feel so foolish. What for wasting my time yearning for her when I should be moving on? After all, it's not like I have any hope whatsoever. But, I really can't forget her. I just can't. She was the only one, the only one, to leave an emotional hole in my heart. She was someone special to me, and I lost her. No, I couldn't have lost her, because she wasn't meant to be with me. Now, she's with someone else. The only thing i can do is, wish for her happiness. This way, at least one of us will be happy...

One thing that's for sure is, I will never forget her. If I had known that this would happen back when i first met her, I would not change anything. I would rather have fond memories of her, even if we couldn't be together, then not knowing her at all. My feelings for her is true, but she will never know. Now, what's left for me is to cry for her, every waking moment of my life..

2006-05-04T13:29:00.000+08:00

Had to drag myself back here. I remembered telling myself to update daily once polytechnic life starts. Yet it seems that I'm late by more then a week. Well, at least I remembered.

After a week in Ngee Ann, life more or less has already settled down. Like Survivor, I inexplicably found myself within this group of people. 4 girls and this one another guy. In order to protect their (and well, mainly mine..) identity, let's call them xy, j, xj, hy and ec for the guy's name. I don't exactly remember how we stuck together (or maybe i do, but i don't feel like disclosing..), we just did. Did i stick with girls because I'm a lecherous pervert? No. Did I join the girls because I might have developed a interest in one of them? I wouldn't say yes, nor would i deny it. Possibly.

The time now is 5:06 p.m., battery strength 18%. Dumb 'ol me forgotten to bring the charger. Another hour left till my CCA starts. Song Composing Club. Hmm, transition from NCC to SCC. My original plan was to learn percussion, but after the interview last Saturday, I realised that I wouldn't mind playing 2nd role if singing, but of course, it was a total contrast with what i wrote on the description paper which they gave before the interview. Well, I guess I could tell them somehow.

14%. During the break which was after my HPD module, we went to Canteen 3 to eat. Decided to try the laksa. Wrong move. The noodles were barely half-cooked. There's one stall to avoid. Most unfortunate. Met my jie, sy, in Canteen 3 too. She's not in my class, but we have to same modules on Thursday. Somehow or another, she insisted I called her 'jie'. I didn't put up much of a fight.

11%. "Low Battery. You should change you battery or switch outlet power immediately to keep from losing you work." I guess that's my cue to shut down. Boredom fiesta for another 40 minutes.

Till next time...

2006-04-10T14:28:00.000+08:00

why am i such a fool for love.
it is such a fundamental subject to learn.
yet impossible to master.
but the fact remains...there is no place for love in my life,
no matter how hard i try...no matter how hard i try...

2006-01-02T12:42:00.000+08:00

Well...This is it. My new blog. It's like...The 5th one. Hopefully, I'll stick with this till the end and not end it abruptly halfway like my other blogs. It's the New Year already,2006. 2005 came and gone so fast. I can't believe I've completed my school life. Well, secondary level that is. It feels so...Weird. Not going to school anymore. It feels just like yesterday when I was just a clueless 13 year old, stepping into the school grounds which I had heard nothing of about it. Thick glasses,short stature and a childish attitude to boot, it was any wonder I could make any friends. Now, looking back, I realised that I have made a fair share of friends, not to mention enemies. And as suddenly as the 1st lesson I had in Bartley, my business was also done with Bartley when I shaded the last oval for the last GCE 'O' level paper, which, I remember well, was the Combined Science MCQ Paper 1.

I have to admit...I will miss this school after I've left. Given a choice, surprisingly, I would choose to continue my secondary life as a student in the school which I had dreaded so much in the past. Yes. To me, going to school was a hassle,a chore and a complete waste of my time. Now when I look back, I wouldn't trade the times I spent in Bartley for the world.

Actually, I'm not quite done with that school of mine yet. I will still be going back to help out my school's Ncc Air unit as a Cadet Lieutenant. I will be helping out in areas that needs to be taken care of. I really wish that our unit can get Gold award for this year's BUC. Overacheiver? Ahahaz...afraid not. It can be done. Just the matter of how you go about doing it.

Anyways, on the morning of New Year's Eve, I was in Plaza Singapura watching...what was the movie again...Oh yes. "Wallace and Gromit: The Curse Of The Were Rabbit" with LC's cousin. Not exactly an Oscar winning piece, but a fun movie nevertheless. After the movie, we met up with LC and her friend and walked around for a bit. We then went over to LC's house as she needed to change when she goes out later in the evening to the Esplanade to countdown to 2006. We then took the train to City Hall where we split up as i had to meet MW at Paya Laber. He got me to work part-time(sort of...) selling lightsticks at the Indoor Stadium followed by Mount Faber that day. We took bus number 70 to the Indoor Stadium and we passed by Grandlink along the way. Past memories flooded my mind as we passed that building. I remember in the past, after NCC training in school, a number of my friends would go there to play Counter-Strike. But now, it seems that a long time had passed since the last time we played there together. Now that school is over for us, it seems that everyone is busy doing some things or another. I wish that all of us could go back, back to the time where we would talk happily about the day's events and laughing our heads off as we made our way to Grandlink, shooting each other in the computers and buying bubble tea costing $1 each after the games. Yes, those were the days. But sadly, it could never happen again.

I would love to go on about the day's event. The unfruitful sales we had at the Indoor Stadium, the crowd at the Mt. Faber celebrations, the stage performances and the spectacular fireworks. But it seems that i have ranted long enough. Perhaps, I would rather share my experiences personally, instead of just putting it down in black and white. Literally. Before I forget, these are my New Year's resolutions for 2006:

Resolutions For 2006:

Grow taller. Much taller. Goal: 166cm by the end of the 2006.
Change of personality. I have seen the results of simply being me during my Secondary school life. I do not wish for a repeat. For 2006, I hope to be someone different.
Maintain this blog and not give it up like the 4 previous ones.
Take good care of everything I own. Gone are the days of stains on shoes and scratches on MP3 or handphone.
Organise a reunion for class 4E2 of 2005. Hopefully, this would be an annual event.
I can't fathom the thought of saying 'No' to games. I can only play less frequently and work hard during my Tetiary education.
Take up a course in percussion once I have the time(not to mention money).
Help to acheieve a Gold award for Bartley Air Unit for the BUC.
Learn to manage my time more efficiently. Time management is very important this year.
I will clean up my room(hopefully, one of these days I'll come round and do it).
Support myself financially.
Find time to go back to school and visit my teachers and friends, in plain clothes, not uniform.